Now that I have my historical feelings out I will make the big announcement. We hired a helper. Hee hee. Who'd a thunk it? Not me. Not Brian. I'm blaming Baby #4 and divine intervention.
In August I was invited on a girls trip to Malacca, Malaysia for one night (Fri/Sat) with five other ladies from church. I really, really wanted to go, but with no helper and not a single neighbor in the neighborhood since the great summer exodus of the Americans what was I to do? I couldn't go. Who would watch the kids? I "replied all" to the email invite my regrets despite wanting to go. To my surprise, Kristi, who I had barely known before hatched a plan. Her kids and mine are all the same age and sex and had become friends at church on Sunday because they were all three in the same age group classes (they are Australian and in local schools so still in school in June/July/Aug). She suggested that maybe I could drop them in the morning as we left for the bus, the kids could have a bit of a play date and Brian could pick them up in the early afternoon on his way home from work and Saturday Brian would be home anyway. I was game so we had a intro play date where all went well and sweet Gina watched my kids so I could have a quick getaway. That's how it all started I suppose.
Then our kids and theirs became fantstic friends and we soon had Friday afternoon swim dates at their condo and Gina would offer to watch the kids on occasion so Brian and I could do a quick dinner date. I know kids mostly play and entertain themselves and sometimes having a play date makes the work end up easier in a way but still, it's a bunch of kids she was watching! She was so good to us and we soaked up every second of our three or four date nights since August.
Starting January all of Kristi's kiddos were now in school so they don't need quite the same amount of help anymore. And I was freaking out about what to do when the baby comes. I'd spend an entire year looking for a support system here to help with kid swaps and the like only to be disappointed. (That's an understatement - I actually got emails from people telling me in no uncertain terms "we don't help each other here, you have to hire help", no joke, I really got an email that said that).
I know that physically my recovery from the c-section can be really hard and I know I have to walk 1 1/2 miles everyday pushing a stroller with Jake (and new baby) to drop off and pick up Maddie from school. the walk isn't negotiable. Timing was good and Gina is perfect. She accepted our offer to come work for us and she started last Wednesday. It seems to me that in the last year I've prayed on five different occasions, usually in a mode of desperation and frusteration, about hiring help. Each time the answer has been very clear that it wasn't the right thing for our family. This time was different. I felt nothing but calm about inviting Gina into our home. I knew it would be an adjustment but so far so good.
One week in and everything looks great so far. The kids adored Gina before she arrived and love to show her off to anyone and everyone that comes over. I have gotten so much dejunking, clutter control, finance updates in Quicken and random jobs taken care of I can hardly believe it! Ben's homework quality has gotten much better because I can help him with focused attention instead of multi-tasking making dinner/homework/toy clean up/fight settler/door answering/everything else. Brian's comment the second day in was, "Looks like we are going to have more well rounded meals now." Can't argue that. I committed to a healthy main dish - veggies, fruit, etc were a bonus dish when I got to them. Often I threw a bag of baby carrots on the table and called it good but even that much wasn't happening lately.
Certainly there are things I will have to be better at communicating. Brian and I went to the Thaipusim Festival in Little India Tuesday morning at 3:30am because Gina was here with the kids and Brian had to work all day so it was our only chance to see it together. We planned to be back by 6am to wake the kids so nothing to do but be physically present in the house. She said to knock on her door when we left so I did, thinking that was a little strange. Talk about going above and beyond. She is so fantstic, she got up at 3:30 and stayed awake so the kids were cared for until we got home at 5:30am. I felt SOOOO bad when I got home. I never stated it, but figured she'd crack open her door and sleep. If someone woke up crying or some random thing like that - which they never do - she'd help them out. So I'm a work in progress and she's fantastic. No surprise there! We love having Gina around and all the help she is providing our family. Right now it's the honeymoon phase. In four weeks, baby comes and my real work begins and I will appreciate her even more then than I do already.
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2 comments:
What an interesting culture! Sounds like Gina is a HUGE and very timely help!
I just found your blog. Yea! Congrats on your baby girl. Hope you recover quickly. Kristy told me Gina was working for a different family now. I'm so glad it's your family. Gina is so great! I felt like I was reading my own thoughts when I read your posts about helpers. So glad you have the help. we hired one part-time after Lizzie was born and it was a tremendous blessing. And I can't believe someone actually said that to you about helping each other. How awful!
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