Heaven Neatly Packaged and Delivered Today

I don't know how today could have been any better. It was a gift from God, I think. We woke happily and despite my reluctance to arise, the little people were persuasive and very pleasant. Maddie needed "bweakfast" and Brian obliged while I fed Little Man. Then, without any complaints, tears or whining, everyone dressed and brushed teeth. I'm sure I had a huge smile on my face. We were ready and out the door to make it to MOPS early! Ben has had freak-out tantrums the entire year that has made the drop off procedure a disaster. I bargained with him (as I usually do) that if he could go into his class without clinging to my body so he has to be physically pried off my leg for this meeting AND the next we could find a special treat for being so brave. To my total amazement, HE DID IT!!! He was still having a hard time, but he kept it together. His coping mechanism changed to zipping his jacket up so it looked like he had no head. His teachers were great and played right along. They were likely just as surprised as I was that he wasn't tantruming. The meeting was fun, all about how to vacation with kiddos from camping to Disney to roadtrips. Then we made super cute flip-flops and they cleaned out their closet and I scored a new plastic bin to store the toys in and organize the basement! When I picked Ben up from class, I was able to announce that we didn't have any other meetings at the "MOPS church" building since the last meeting would be a picnic at the park. He was super excited! I loaded up the troops after MOPS and called dad. He agreed to meet us for a lunch at Baja Fresh. We waited for his arrival on the lush green lawn in the warm sunshine. I taught Ben a fun game. He picked a number and then we counted cars to see what he would drive when he grew up. He never got anything super cool, but Maddie will be driving one of those trash trucks that empty dumpsters. The mexican food at Baja Fresh was plentiful and tasty, the company was delightful. All the kids ate really well. They were happy the entire time and Jacob was cute as a button playing with daddy. Brian and I were stuffed. Then Daddy headed back to work and I took the kids home for a nice afternoon. Naps for Maddie were a bit of a fight, but nothing wild or too frustrating. Jacob wasn't interested in his afternoon nap either, so I finally laid down with him after calming him the twentieth time. I got to rest on my bed cuddling my Little Man. Ben watched his favorite show, Zula Patrol, on the bed next to us while we lounged. Jacob finally dropped into a deeper sleep as Brian arrived home from work so I could go down to Ben's restaurant in the living room. The weather was perfect! After Maddie woke up, Ben headed out to the front yard to play with Jacob the neighbor and to "learn how to climb trees". They had fun together and found some water balloons in the pantry closet. Brian and I helped launch them across the field with the slingshot. The kids were almost as anxious to clean up the balloon pieces as to launch them. Then we heard a siren approaching nearby and could hear the engines running. I took Ben and Maddie on a walk to follow the sounds and investigate. Someone fell down in the ravine one street over. We checked out the ambulance and fire engines and watched them bring someone up on a backboard. Still can't figure out how they fell. There is a guard rail and honestly, nothing down in the ravine to attract attention. In any case, while the rescue workers did their job, we went on a caterpillar hunt. We found six caterpillars, lots of ants, one weird black bug with red marks on the back and one orange-red frog. We "played" with the frog. Sure we enjoyed it more than he did. Took all six caterpillars back home to show dad. At almost 7 pm we finally went inside to get dinner before the kids turned into monsters and ruined the day. We nuked some leftovers. Still mostly full from our great lunch feast. Maddie asked to say the blessing on the food. She wanted to pray for the guy who fell in the ravine. Her prayers are always the same. She says, "Father Thank you for the food. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen." It was a huge thing that she wanted to pray for someone else without any prompting. Of course, she said "thank you" for the guy rather than asking a blessing for him, but it was cute and I know God got the intended pure message from a sincere little two year old. When we were almost done with dinner, Brian abruptly told us to look out the window. Two beautiful deer were wandering through the field outside our window. It was just too cool! I saw one of them the other day driving a few blocks away, but here they were at MY HOUSE!! We have the best location. Right near the woods. No parking lot or roadway views for us. Brian grabbed the zoom lens and I took some pictures. Then we watched. And watched. When we couldn't see them anymore, I quietly went outside to get a view again. They even went up on their hind legs and fought for a minute over who got to eat the leaves on a particular tree. They were gorgeous and so close to us! Finally, the left the grassy field and went back into the woods. The whole family walked out to try to find them in the woods, only to see our fox running out of his home. Ben and I found deer tracks and fox tracks in the dirt since we knew exactly where to look. Then we finished dinner, everyone got pajamas on, happily. Ben asked to see the fox tracks online, but couldn't mentally picture how they made that shape with their feet, so we walked over to Katie's house and borrowed her dogs and let the kids feel the soft pads on the bottom of their paws. I think it all made sense to him after the visual. Then, everyone climbed in bed, exhausted. As usual, Ben was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. Maddie read books for 30 minutes and was out without a single complaint. Today was just a little piece of heaven. I'm glad it was neatly packaged and delivered to my doorstep today. I am a happy woman as I lay down tonight. What blessings I've been given. Three great kids, one amazing husband and father, a steady job to provide for our family, a home perfectly situated to allow such outdoor happiness and fun just steps out the front door. We love Virginia and all the happiness we've found in our lives here. Spring is wonderful and I'm enjoying the fresh air and the happy kids.

Abandonment

It's been about three years since the last time I ran through emotions like this of loosing very close, dear friends. Last time it was Gretel Patch. I swear when she moved to Djibouti, Africa I didn't have a single friend left in the entire world I could call for support, babysitting or friendship. It wasn't really true. It isn't true this time either, but what a heart ache I have today. Catherine left for the airport a few hours ago. We went to say goodbye after preschool. Ben is old enough to understand what was happening this time. He was excited to go say goodbye, but once we got to their home he was sad and subdued. He wanted to lay his head on my lap while I sat on the stairs. He looked like he wanteed to cry and told me how sad he was inside. My heart broke for him knowing he was loosing Eliza this week and Glori next week. Finally it was time to leave for the airport, they loaded their van and drove away. I cried all the way home from Cath's house. I have had an emotional wall of denial up for months. I've always known it would be okay since Cath first mentioned the tug they were beginning to feel in the spring. We first met the Arveseths in our married ward in 1999. We were both newlywed couples in college. Brian and I were transient to say the least, we moved from the University ward to Texas, Michigan and Kentucky. Back and forth, coming and going, but the Arveseths were always there and friendly. They were loved by everyone. Finally they graduated and moved to Virginia. Then we went to Houston and kept in touch with Cath's brother Dave in New Orleans and Brian would travel annually to Fairfax on business and have dinner with the Arveseths and bring home a report each trip. Then we got the chance to move to the Fairfax office of ExxonMobil and jumped on the chance. The Arveseths recruited us to the Fairfax Ward. I remember spending all day with an apartment hunter lady and being devestated by the pricetag of living here. We finally chose a place and traffic kept us from making it to the office in time to sign the paperwork. We ended up calling the Arveseths and visited them than night. Catherine was on bedrest with Eliza. They gave us a new list of cheaper apartments to check out, all in the ward boundaries. We saved a bundle thanks to them. Eliza was born about two weeks after we moved here. We talked one time after Eliza was born about what things might prompt us to move home to Utah and closer to family and forfeit the amazing experience that is living in the Nations Capitol. We cracked up as we decided the only thing at that point that would make us move home was having twins. No less than six months after that conversation, Catherine found out she was having twins. I may have never laughed so hard in my life and called to make sure she was staying anyway. Now the twins will turn two in February and she made it through on her own. Or with the help of her Fairfax Ward family and friends. We swapped childcare, frusteration and tears. Ben asks for Eliza play dates, anytime I teach preschool Maddie asks if she can go in Catherine's car with Sami and Ali to the park. Catherine and I have become great friends as we grew together as new, young mothers. It didn't seem real for months that they would ever leave Virginia. Then it became very real, very quickly. Brian started helping them rent their home out or do small fix up jobs so it was ready to rent. I would feel secretly mad at him for helping take my best friends away. As if it really made a difference. Maybe, if they couldn't rent their beautiful home to a nice family, they would abandon their promise to take the job transfer. No such luck. Everything has worked out in their preparations, as if the Lord had a hand in moving them where they need to be for this stage of their life. I know He will provide for me too. In time, the fresh wounds will heal and I will find new things and people to fill the holes left by our missing of the Arveseth family. It will just take time. The time we spent together and the memories we made cannot be replaced. They will remain treasured memories for me and my children. It's hard to replace a friend you've had for almost ten years. Catherine's undeniable faith in Christ has been such a beautiful testimony to me in my times of need. She never doubts he died for her, it is an integral part of her being and her relationship with her Savior is beautifully displayed in the person she has become. What an example to me. Next week my other dear friend moves to Ethiopia, Africa. When Marti left in June for Ethiopia it was easier because we knew she would return in September for three months to have baby Sophi. We also knew from the day she moved to Virginia that she was leaving, so it wasn't such a shocker. This time when she goes, it's for good though. It will be hard to say goodbye for real this time. The best news of the day? Ben is playing airport today. He had me check my luggage onto the dining room chairs arranged to look like a conveyor belt. It was originally rejected because I forgot to put my suitcase in an imaginary plastic bin like they do at the security check at the real airport for your carryon items. Once we worked that out, it was scanned for bad stuff and I was able to board the plane. The best part is that he told me the airplane was going to Salt Lake City and we could go see Eliza for three days. Then the airplane will come back to Virginia because the pilot had to come back.

Unexpected Moment of Sadness

I was looking through our old digital photos from the days when we were a family of three. I was struck with an odd sort of sadness. It started to eat at me that Maddie Mae was missing. I wanted to "fix" the pictures for lack of a better way to explain my emotions at the time. How odd I have been thinking in the week since that happened. As I examine my emotions of the new baby's arrival, how do I reconcile that with these feelings? Before Benjamin, it was relatively easy to understand loving a new baby. How could you not anticipate loving such a new and pure little person. Ben would "complete" the family structure and it made perfect sense. While waiting for Maddie's arrival, it didn't come quite so easily. We already loved Ben. How could you divide that love. How could you multiply that love. Could you ever really love another child like the first. Of course, the answer is yes. But it was hard to wrap my brain around. I wondered how will she fit in our family dynamic? How will the new baby work with the way things are? Life is already good, how will it change? Will I like it? Now I find myself feeling all the same familiar emotions. How will this new baby change our lives? When I look through pictures of our family in the months before the birth, will I feel the same sadness I feel now looking at pictures without Maddie? Will I feel a sad sense of incompleteness where I now feel our family is so whole? I wonder...