Motivation

We have been working on putting together a wedding video for my brother and his wife for their upcoming reception at the end of the month. (By "We" I mean Brian is doing the hard work. I just make the phone calls and relay information.) I came across this picture and I love it everytime I see it. I think it's a fantastic shot of my brother Jason and sister Kristie at the beach in Galveston. I want to look like Kristie some day. Considering she's always looked that good and I've always been me, it isn't likely. But my sister-in-law Juli has done some amazing things too. I know I can. The question just remains, do I have the will?

Why All Parks Need a Potty

Today we went to Pope's Head Park with all our friends for Playgroup. Everyone knows this is one of the best parks, but it doesn't have a bathroom, so I made sure Ben went before we left the house. About an hour later, he had to go again. No big thing. I sent him off in the woods a way to take care of his business. When I looked to check on him a minute later, he wasn't exactly doing what I expected. He had decided that since he had flip flops on, that he didn't want to walk out far amongst the pine needles and had come back to the very outer edge of the trees, right next to the picnic table. He was also facing us, I asked him to turn around and look the other way. Showing some general understanding of why I might make that request, he told me, "But Mom, it's going to come out the back this time, so I was looking this way at you so you don't see it come." Blushing, I handed Jacob to a friend and decided that Ben might need a little more help than I had originally thought. Baby wipes and empty white trash bag in hand, I headed with him to the woods. I was quickly reminded why I love that I don't have to be involved in the process with him anymore. He told me all about the progress he was making, blow by blow. How one particular poop "might actually be too big for the hole" and how he wasn't sure "it will fit out" and genuine pride when he had the situation worked out. Many other lovely things were shared that I will leave a mystery. I wonder when kids develop that social conscience that tells them, no, it isn't appropriate to discuss your bathroom situations with others. Potty training with Maddie starts in a few short weeks. I am not looking forward to the same upcoming discussions with her for the next 12 months. The life of a stay at home mom is surely one filled with glory and prestige.

I Hit the Wall

Mostly I'm just tired. You know how you have the baby and run on adrenaline. Then about two months in exhausting hits because you haven't slept more than 90 minutes for weeks. Then one day about that time you start to get a three or four hour stretch and feel AMAZING! Then time goes on and you hit five months. You haven't slept more than 3 or 4 hours in five months. I just have hit the wall. I'm so incredibly tired. I look and feel it every second of the day. Last night I just gave up and slept in Jacob's room because I get less angry getting up to help him three feet away than all the way in my room. Maybe it's that agreeing to sleep on the couch in his room is admitting I won't get a good night sleep. If I go back to my room, it is under the false pretense that I will be getting quality sleep. In either case, he was up 7 times between 1 am and 8 am. That my friends, is one crappy night. The situation is compounded by the fact that he is generally up at least six times in the night every night. Time for some sleep training I think. It's happened with all our kids. When they get too big and too strong to be contained by the swaddling blankets, they break out and upset themselves. He just has to learn that he doesn't have to be swaddled to sleep. He also is gaining more control of his hands and reaching and grabbing for things now. This translates into pulling the binkie out of his mouth and not having quite the right coordination to get it back in successfully. Probably in a month he'll be a pro at it, but for now, he screams. Naps have gone by the wayside for me lately too. Ben has just looked so sad and neglected when I would nap with Jacob and Maddie in the afternoon. He never really let me sleep anyway, always had a question to ask in the middle of my twenty minute nap. So I gave them up to spend quality time with him. I have really enjoyed the special time we spent together. We read books, had piano lessons, played all sorts of games (fun games, math games and letter games), practiced spelling and did special big kid crafts. Of course, sometimes he just wanted me awake and around but not involved with him. He wouldn't play with me because Tom & Jerry on YouTube was more appealing. Sort of hurts a girls self-esteem when your kid would rather watch a silly old show instead of have special time, but some days it was a relief to be able to check my email. So my life has been a more difficult than usual juggling act lately. Just another phase in life. This too shall pass, and I will get to sleep someday soon. Just hoping and praying it is sooner than later.

Fire Safety

I'm sure it is all just inferred knowledge, but I remember being SUPER cautious with matches growing up. When we would light candles on birthday cakes, we would have to place the burned match on the back of the sink and keep it there until it cooled off. Knowing how hot fire was, I had no desire to touch the match for fear of being burned. I somehow got it in my head, that it would be hot for a long, long time. Stands to reason, since the campfires in the mountains we made were still warmish the next morning. I remember the matches staying in their safe place on the sink back until the next morning and still being hesitant to pick them up and throw them away in case they were still too hot to throw in the trash. I was very scared that I would light the trash can on fire. I still think of that every time I light a match. I quench it in the sink and toss it out seconds later. I feel irresponsible, even though I feel the match ever time to make sure it is totally cool. It just makes me so nervous. Residual effects of my skewed childhood views. Makes me smile now.

Status Update

We've had some amazing days lately. Today rained all day though. It was a cozy, cool kind of rain. I liked it. We also had NOTHING on the calendar today. We just finished going around to all the ward conferences, firesides are over for the year, auxillary training went well and I finished ALL my rotations for teaching preschool. I'm feeling free in so many ways and overwhelmed in others. Now all the "must dos" are taken care of, I must move on and get my home back in order again. The dining table is once again piled high with left over junk from various projects, the kids clothes need to be rotated into the summer selection before they roast and my bathroom floor is in bad need of a broom and so many other little things like that lurk in my mind. Back to real life. At least the garden is planted. That is a relief. Now it's almost on autopilot (sprinklers on the timer).

Chicken Ache

I cooked a turkey and mashed potatoes for dinner tonight. It was yummy. Ben realized that it was a bird in the oven and asked for "the chicken's drumstick." I told him I'd give it it to him, but show him first because it would be so big. He decided he could definatly eat that much, so I cut it off and put the entire thing on his plate. Then he changed his mind. He had me clean it mostly off, then give it back to him. Then he said it was "too slippery to eat." Finally, I took it back, gave him two tiny bites worth and MADE him eat it because every step of the way I'd told he he didn't want it and I was too busy with my hands too full to help him. Jacob cried the whole way through dinner because I was too busy handeling the "drumstick" problem. Now, an hour later, he comes to me and says he has "a chicken ache." He informs me that it's because he ate chicken off the bone tonight. I have no idea what that means. I mentioned that we didn't even eat chicken tonight. He said it was "ham ache" then thought and corrected himself telling me it was "turkey ache." He pointed at his teeth. Maybe he needs to floss. We'll have to check it out when we get ready for bed tonight. Update: I had him make sure to floss extra well tonight and he came right back to report to me the hurt was all gone. He swallowed it. Huh? Oh well. At least he feels better now and the "turkey ache" is gone.

Someone Should Tell Mom

Tonight Ben and Brian have been playing a spelling game. Brian names a word and Ben spells it. They have really been enjoying it and have been playing for an hour. It's 9:30 and they just finished up with the last few words, Maddie and Angie. Brian had to help a lot with our names. When he finished my name, he said, "Someon should tell Mom she doesn't follow the spelling rules and she should. That's because then no one will know how to spell her name since she never follows the rules at all."

The picture is Ben's best attempt at spelling my name with the bathtub foam letters that stick to the wall. (ANJE with the J backwards)