Sleep Troubles and Brian's Surgery

I was a very wise wife to not encourage Brian to get the surgery until all the babies were mostly done  with middle of the night wake up stuff. I have tried for at least ten years to get him to have his sleep troubles checked out by a doctor. About two years ago while pregnant with Ashlyn I decided to lay off. If he didn't care enough to go then I was going to capitalize on his night time awareness just one last time with this baby coming along in a few months.

I didn't mention going to a doctor for about a year and a half. Score. He helped with Ashlyn just like all three other kids. I did all the feedings but he did most of the middle of the night baby rocking for a few reasons. First because he's awesome and a totally involved dad. Second he can sleep perfectly well sitting up in a soft rocking chair (or couch or floor or kitchen chair) because he gets such bad sleep he's is exhausted. Third he can fall asleep within two minutes no matter where he is, what time of day it is or what is going on around him, it is seriously just like flipping a light switch. This is not good in business meetings, driving or at church when your wife is going nuts with four rowdy kids.

With the impending move to Saudi Arabia always on my mind I realized that I ought to start pressuring him again because it isn't something he can do while living in Saudi Arabia. Moving without doing anything would only guarantee another three plus years of bad sleep and physical exhaustion. I also wanted to check out LASIK for myself and get a final answer once and for all so I could either do it or let it go forever. (Doc says no on LASIK by the way.)

I got an appointment for a LASIK assessment and asked Brian to come along because I didn't want to make big health and big money decisions without his buy in. He arranged to go in to work late one Friday so he could join me. That week I went to yoga on Thursday morning and yet another friend had had the nasal surgery and couldn't say enough about how it had changed her life. She had energy, she slept well, she could breath. We talked a long time after yoga and she sent me the doctors phone number. I called Brian at work right away. The ENT doctor was in the same building as my LASIK appointment just three floors away. I asked if I could arrange an appointment for the same time as mine and if he didn't have to take any extra time off work would he be willing to see the doctor. He agreed, though there seemed to be a little reluctance in his voice still. I was pretty sure he only agreed to get me to shut up. I uttered a quick prayer that they could squeeze him in and called the doctors office and that started the ball rolling. Twenty four hours later we had a diagnosis of how to spend half of all our money. He did the overnight sleep study that night and at our Saturday morning consult we found out how to spend the rest of our money. So thankful we have insurance to reimburse us!

The ENT scope and sleep study revealed a bunch of things. He had a deviated septum shaped more like an S than the straight line it should have been, his uvula was so long that it rested on his tongue (explaining the feeling he said he always has that something is stuck on the back of his throat and he can't get it off), enlarged tonsils, enlarged adenoids and a few other things. The sleep study revealed that he wakes up 97 times during the night because he stops breathing. Scary. The doctor said he would fix seven things while he was under general anesthesia.

Because he couldn't take work off during plant start up he waited about a month before scheduling his surgery. He had all the work done on Monday December 23. It made for a very toned down Christmas break for sure. No trips. No awesome food. No anything wild or crazy away from the house. The procedure was outpatient. Checked in the hospital at about 8am and left around 4pm. Surgery took just about an hour and I did not like seeing him come out of the anesthesia. He was so weak and disoriented, it made me tear up to see him like that. He had his uvula taken out, tonsils lasered, nose straightened, the back of his mouth sliced and stitched open to expand the opening and a few other things.  

About the time he was ready to check out to go home the nurse asked us, two white people with American accents, "Don't you celebrate Christmas?" We replied in the affirmative. "Then why did you do this NOW? You will have a bad Christmas." We had to laugh and explain it was very unfortunate timing but that he had to work before now and that in three weeks he was moving to Saudi Arabia. Not much window of opportunity for it to happen. 

The recovery has been, from the observers perspective, not so terrible. But it hasn't been fun either. I suppose it is basically what we expected. A very, very sore throat. Tired body, foggy head and blocked sinus. He has to do salt water flushes many many many times every day in both nostrils to clean out everything. Then it drips back out unexpectedly which understandably makes him nuts. We now think there must be secret pockets in all our heads that hold stuff like that. He has had nothing but very soft soups for two weeks and one more to go before he can try real food again. Swallowing has been terrible so eating has been no fun at all. About day eight I could see that his usual happy self had worn down. He just looked so depressed. He felt plain rotten and there was nothing he could do about it. Now, at fourteen days later he is back at work again and seems to be mostly back to his old self.

In the end, the up side is that in just two weeks he sleeps through EVERYTHING now. I have been up with Ashlyn many nights in the last week. He did get up tonight with Ashlyn but it does appear that his good sleeping means I'm on night duty solo from here on out. So glad he was an insomniac for the first 15 years of marriage and more importantly the first 9.5 years we had kids. He did a lot of crying kiddie nights for me. 

Now it's my turn to wake up and on this particular night I can't fall back to sleep after Ashlyn has been asleep for hours now. That's the main reason it was so nice having Brian do nights. If I wake up after four hours sleep I can't get my body to go back to sleep. Ashlyn woke up at 1:30am tonight. Screamed until 2:30 (after Brian finally got her breakfast downstairs). At 3:00 I caved and got on Facebook because I couldn't sleep. Now it's after 4am. It's gonna be a long day with 4 kids on winter break today with a very tired mama. The good news is after 3 hours awake I can usually fall asleep again. So I will try to count 9.5 years of sleep blessings and be grateful for the surgery that has hopefully helped Brian finally see what it means to have a good nights sleep like the rest of us in the world get.

Ashlyn Sleep Schedule

Ashlyn was mad and wouldn't settle forever this morning. She woke at just past 5:30am. Finally I brought her down and for her breakfast with us at 6:15. She was fussy and angry still. Finally I asked if she wanted to go back to bed with a binkie and she said yes. I put her down and didn't hear a peep for 2 more hours. I felt strangely like I won a large victory today.

Ashlyn Sleep Schedule

Ashlyn was mad and wouldn't settle forever this morning. She woke at just past 5:30am. Finally I brought her down and for her breakfast with us at 6:15. She was fussy and angry still. Finally I asked if she wanted to go back to bed with a binkie and she said yes. I put her down and didn't hear a peep for 2 more hours. I felt strangely like I won a large victory today.

Ashlyn Sleep Schedule

Ashlyn was mad and wouldn't settle forever this morning. She woke at just past 5:30am. Finally I brought her down and for her breakfast with us at 6:15. She was fussy and angry still. Finally I asked if she wanted to go back to bed with a binkie and she said yes. I put her down and didn't hear a peep for 2 more hours. I felt strangely like I won a large victory today.

Summer Sleep In?

Ben has been a beast all school year to wake up. "I'm too tired." Cranky boy. Now the first day of summer he's wide awake at 5:45 peeping over the rail of the top bunk with no plans for sleeping in. "Hi Dad!" he whispers loudly when Brian walks by. 

We Have Finally Arrived

Ashlyn had a reasonable sleep through the night last night. I am one grateful mama. I have been exhausted since we got back to Singapore because she's been on the wrong time zone and all the other kids have been on the right one. That means I'm on neither time zone, just up all the time. Last night I had to stay up late doing paperwork junk so I went to bed late but she was wide awake most the evening, then down for the night after a good hearty eating at 8:30pm. Up at 3:00am to eat then right back in bed - NO PLAYING! Eat again at 5:45. I do think she's up for the day now, but I can deal with that.

All week the kids have been put to bed at 7:30. By 7:55 I've found myself in bed with the tv sleep timer on searching for a show to watch starting the 8:00 viewing hour. I didn't once make it to the beginning of the show only five minutes later.Yep. That's tired.

Thanks Ashlyn for switching. I need the sleep. No paperwork tonight.

Cock-a-doodle-do!!!

It's been a long night. In fact a long week of nights. Everyone seems to be on Singapore time but Ashlyn and thus by default me. If she's up I'm up.

I've been up down and disturbed since 3 am. The kids are now stirring and I just heard Jacob loudly proclaim, "COCK-A-DOODLE-DO!!!" Good morning. Here we go again.

Sleep Over with Dad

Jake seems to feel entitled to a little more space than I think his little body merits. It's one of those I'll take my half in the middle sort of situations for sure when he sleeps with us.

Stroller

This is how we nap these days. Breaks on. Stroller back. Must be a third child. No parent would ever let this happen to a first born.

Yucky Eyes

Jakey has yucky eyes. He's really upset, laying down in bed screaming for me to come take care of it. It's a sad situation. He doesn't want to go to bed. We make him lay down in his bed which makes him mad. He lays on his back and cries and cries until tears begin rolling from his eyes down his cheeks toward his ears. The tears just cause a whole big mess. The get the ears all wet. And his cheeks. And then he gets more angry and upset by the yucky eyes getting everything all messed up.

My suggestion is to knock it off, stop crying and go to sleep. Instead I have to go wipe his eyes dry (and cheeks and ears). To me it feels like the instructions on the shampoo bottle - "Wash, rinse, repeat." There is no end to yucky eyes around here some nights. The one thing that does keep me smiling is that when he is hollering out from his room in the deepest of desperation he'll yell, "Angie!! Help! Angie help me please!!"

Notice Given

At 6:08 this morning it was already painfully obvious to me that we were officially up for the day. Maddie was dressed and they were happily playing in their room. Last night we let them stay up an hour and a half late watching the A-Team on tv as a culmination to our celebration of the end of school. We're cool like that and the A-Team rules. My sister used to have the matchbox car that was the A-Team's black van with the red swoosh painted on the side and I was NOT allowed to play with it. Ever. My children also know the names of the characters of Werewolf and Night Rider. I had hoped that would equate to them being tired and sleeping in this morning. I fell asleep before they did last night. Ben walked by my room to use the bathroom and I had him do some quick math on my fingers. One and a half hours sleep lost last night plus one or more hours of sleep lost this morning equals mandatory nap / quiet book reading in bed time this afternoon. Notice Given. We'll see how the execution goes this afternoon.

Batteries

This morning Ben was reading with Brian as they usually do after he's totally ready to go to school. Maddie asked Brian to put batteries in the flashlight. He sent her to me. I said I could in a minute, but two other toys needed their batteries changed. I sent her to the basement to retrieve the pink princess microphone while I got the ball blower and the flashlight and was headed toward the closet where we keep the batteries. Ben and Brian were talking about how when batteries get worn out the toys move slower and slower. Then Ben offered, "I think I need new batteries 'cause I move soooo slow in the mornings when I have to get ready for school." We could only laugh and agree. Ben needs new batteries desperately. Luckily there are only nineteen days of school left this year.

Day Two

Last night went okay with Jakey in the big kid bed. I'm floored that his nap is going okay as well. I totally thought we'd be in a pack and play after I fought him and lost my temper thirty minutes into it. He's cried more times than usual and I had to put him back once. I sat on the floor next to him for about sixty seconds and held his hand. He looked scared. Like he didn't know where he was in this new place. Removing a wall has changed his feeling of security. Still, he's stayed in bed. Go figure. Do I dare hold my breath? Not yet, but I'm considering...

No Delusions

A few days ago I noticed the plastic attachment piece on Jacob's crib was cracking. Note to self, order replacement part. Days later, it had gotten lots worse. No doubt because he's a wild man in the crib. Jumps up and down like a crazy person. He thinks it's his own private trampoline and grins ear to ear as he jumps and tries to climb out the side. Noticing it was about to crack through pushed me to sit down and search online for the part. What do I find out instead? The crib was recalled. Like three years ago and the company also went out of business. Since we got it at a garage sale in Houston, I had no receipt to return it to any store so we're sunk. With no real solution in sight I just let it slide, but honestly had a hard time sleeping. If the plastic piece broke clean through, he could get his head trapped and be strangled. Yesterday I decided to figure out how to screw it together permanently so it wouldn't slide up and down but at least would be safe. On a wing and a prayer I grabbed the conversion piece and made it into a toddler bed. He went nuts about the idea from the start. While I was trying to secure it all back together with my hands I was trying to keep him off the bed with the rest of my body. It was so distracting. Finally I let him on the bed. Kerplunk. With all his persistence to get on the bed, one part had slipped when I turned my head and I missed securing the mattress support on one side. Ugh. Back off the bed he went and after I fixed it, he jumped, giggled and ran side to side for fifteen minutes. He kept climbing on the bed and off the bed and on the bed and off the bed just because he could. Then Ben and Maddie came in and played with him on the bed for almost an hour! It's the new playground in our house...which is good because we now are finding Jakey on Ben's bunkbed. He's learned how to climb the rock wall. Yikes. Have to keep that door closed now. Yeah. It's true that he is only 18 months old. I know. I'm nuts. He's "free" now. To be honest, Brian and I don't think it will work at all. He's just a tad too young to understand the command "stay in bed" like the big kids. But last night it worked. He came out a couple times and there are toys in his bed this morning. But he slept there. Time will tell, but I'm under no delusion that this is a permanent solution for the short guy I affectionately call "my little monster."

Sunday Afternoon Nap

Everyone loves a Sunday afternoon nap. Church is over. Kids are fed. Little ones are quiet. Big one is zombied with a movie. Finally a minute to close my eyes. I laid down on the bottom bunk with Maddie on top to entice her to take her much needed nap. Two minutes flat and she was out. Soon my eyes were droopy and I let go and slept. Two and a half hours later and four minutes before our dinner guest was supposed to arrive I regained consciousness. Bless Chef Brian for making chicken pot pie...er...turkey pot pie. Life was good. After the kids were in bed I took a project up to bed and we watched a movie as I worked on preschool stuff until about 11pm when I began to turn my thoughts toward sleep. Feeling wide awake I figured I could go until midnight. After all I had a good nap. Midnight came and I dutifully clicked off the light and turned off the computer. As I do every night I turned on the tv sleep timer and clicked the volume down to a dull background noise to lull me to sleep but it wasn't working. I'm wide awake. One episode of Cold Case ended and another began. Still wide eyed and bushy tailed. At 2am I clicked the tv off completely hoping that would help. At 2:30am still tossing and turning in bed I got up and checked on the kids. Jacob's skin was cool so I was glad I'd put double jammies on him and a blanket. Ben was warm in his lightweight long sleeves with no blankets. Maddie in paper thin summer superman shorts and shirt complete with cape was freezing and balled up to keep warm. I woke her and offered some warmer attire. She gratefully accepted and got up to change but still had no interest in a blanket. I guess you only need a blanket if you are a sissy. Last I recall it was nearing 3am before I drifted off to sleep. Next week I think I'll take a shorter nap.

My Life

This is why I feel so ugh. Life has been busy since Ben started kindergarten. He has half day so I have no freedom. Morning shower while Ben gets ready for the bus stop with dad - 1 hr to feed Jacob and Maddie and get her to preschool and do ALL my errands - Jacob naps - pickup Maddie - arrive just in time to get Ben from the bus - make lunch for everyone - clean it up - negotiate with Maddie to use the potty and take her afternoon naps - boom...the day is over. I'm feeling a little stuck and am losing my patience after two months of stuck-ness. Maybe in Jan or Feb Jacob will shift to one a day naps. Can't believe I actually WANT that. I must have a screw loose. Never thought that would happen that I want a child to give up a nap. Isn't naptime supposed to be a mother's sanctuary? Not so right now. Naptime is just a series of three time intervals that never align with each other that are swapped between Jacob, Maddie then Jacob again that make me unable to leave the house or do anything fun and glorious that I need to do. You know, like grocery shopping.

Essential Parenting Tools

I love my CribShield. It's like mesh attached with Velcro on all four sides of the crib and I consider it an essential part of my childrearing experience. It is designed so they can't stick their little legs through the crib slats. Little people are always sticking appendages out the slats and then they turn once the leg is out and get their knobby knees stuck so they can't pull them back out. Then, they scream and scream and scream until I come in and rescue them. Without a video monitor, I can't tell if they are stuck or just don't want to sleep. The problem about drove me insane with Ben, but his room had a second door to a bathroom that connected to the hallway so I could peak in on him and assess the situation without him knowing I was there. I about lost my mind with Maddie since I didn't have any secret observation options. It was time to sleep train her so I could finally sleep through the night, but it wasn't working. She was always getting her legs caught. Things were getting rough and I was about out of patience when Brian had a two week trip. He left and I had a total emotional breakdown. Both kids were being little devil children and there was NO break. In desperation, in the middle of the night I started an internet search for something to save me. I found salvation that night. (Of course, being cheap as I am, I sent back to sleep and then spent the next morning hovering over the computer finding the best deal online and had it shipped to me (via Wal-Mart site-to-store). The day I picked it up was like Christmas I tell you, Christmas! I ripped the box apart and had it velcroed in place lightening fast and just wanted everyone in the house to take a nap right then. I had to wait until bedtime of course, but still, that was the first night Maddie slept through the night. Beautiful.

Crying It Out

I'm serious. No more waking up with Jacob. He weighed in at 18 lb 1.6 oz at his six month check on Tuesday. Maddie was 18 lbs at her 15 month appointment. That boy isn't underfed and doesn't need to eat during the night. Monday night we let him cry it out for over an hour and a half miserable hours. Tuesday night he had just had shots and had a fever so I was nice. Tonight he's fine. But I'm not. The screaming just won't stop. This is child #3. My heart isn't breaking for him like it did for Ben. I'm not in the other room crying for him. I just want to go in and rock him to make it stop so I can sleep. Final score: one hour 16 minutes of crying. No. Make that one hour 16 minutes of screaming his guts out. I did nurse him first thing out of exhausting and thinking (naively) that would speed up the cry it out process. No feeding tomorrow night. Now, it's 3:59 am. He's finally quiet. I can go back to sleep. Good night world. Let's all pray it is my last week of getting up in the night with him ever.

Intervention Threat

I figured I ought to offer an update on the blog, since I was threatened with an intervention this Sunday in the mother's nursing room at church. Cori and Heather had been reading my blog and they were planning one to make me let Jacob cry it out. He is five months after all. It is time. We've been doing some sleep training around here the last week and a half or so (pre-threat, mind you). Jacob has learned how to sleep without swaddling, put the binkie back into his own mouth (if he can find it), started "solid" foods like rice cereal and settles himself again after he wakes and cries a little bit. All big steps in growing up. We're getting a consistent 5 hours of sleep at a minimum, usually more. The bad news is that those 5 hours begin about 9 pm and I can't find the will power to make my 5 hours start then. Still, he eats quickly and goes right back to sleep until 5 or 6 am, eats again and sleeps another hour. Loads better than what we were doing just two weeks ago when I wasn't sleeping at all. So, ladies, no intervention needed. We're cool after our rough sleep training nights and naps. Of course, as I think about it, how the heck are you going to do an intervention? One of you has an eight week old and the other, what, a ten DAY old?!?! You ladies have your own problems. I'm getting LOADS more sleep than you will for a while. But then again, maybe that's how you can manage an intervention. Heck, you're up anyway, why not come over at 2 am? Love you guys! You make me smile. Here's hoping you read this post at 3 pm, not 3 am. :)

Full Credit for Brian

Jacob has had a rough time sleeping for a bit now. I was getting really rundown and not sleeping much at all for days and days. Nap time wasn't going well. I would give explicit instructions that Ben was to watch his movie/build blocks/play computer and NOT wake me up because I hadn't slept at night. He couldn't seem to do that. Three days of trial and total failure. So, no naps for me and the sleep deprivation continued to build up. Thursday night Brian, a very bright and perceptive man, offered to take the night shift so I could finally sleep. Great plan! About midnight, Jacob was settled in for the night, in Brian's arms. They came in at 2am to eat and at 6am. Only getting up twice in a night? That was a fantastic night!! Even Brian didn't have to get up much, but he didn't know that going into the night. He gets full credit for being such a great guy. It could have be a rotten night and he was so willing to help me. Last night, Friday, Brian helped again. The night was so much better for me (and Brian). I think maybe, just maybe, Jacob is learning to sleep better. He is too big and too strong to stay in his swaddle anymore and gets so upset when he frees himself. Now he can get the binkie back into his mouth by himself and that is huge. He was only up once in the middle of the night and once really early. We no longer swaddle him and he's learning the ropes. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.