Say What?

I laid down to take a nap this afternoon.  Ben came in as I was getting settled and said, “Oh sorry.  I was just sneaking in before you started sleeping to get…”
I interrupted him with, “a good night kiss!”

“No!  I was looking for the swim toys in your bathtub.  But…there is one thing I know,” as he climbed up on my bed to lay a big one on my cheek.  “Kissing is LOTS easier than pooping.”

(Hysterical laughing from me.)  “What do you mean?”

“Well a kiss gets lost somewhere in my body and first I have to find it and then make it go up and they always come out of my lips every time.  When it’s a poop, or actually I guess pee.  When I pee I have to push so hard to get it to come out of my body.  Kissing is just lots easier.”

Next Time...

One day during the pack out in Virginia I heard myself say inside my head, "Next time I will...." I knew I was open to do this again. I was excited to go despite the stress. I wanted the adventure and all it brings with it, but it seems to me society says you should do this sort of thing on a trial basis. Go for a year or two and then you can commit to more if you like it. I thought it was so odd that before I even boarded the plane I was mentally preparing for "next time" whenever that may be if we are offered the chance. I think it's a good sign, don't you? Lots of people here talk about "next time" and what they would do or should bring. Then end their comments with, "if I even remember any of this by the time we move again...I should probably write this stuff down." So without further delay, here's what I'd do different "Next Time". Leave: As of this moment, not much to change here - we got some bad info and planned our pack out wrong. We thought we would be bringing food. Nope. Singapore lets it in, but Exxon won't ship it. Oops. We were allowed 5 big air freight boxes. We filled 2 1/2. Air freight was the last thing we packed out. I'd do it first next time. Because we had so much empty space, we ended up shipping some of our luggage so we didn't have to drag it around in the airport. I plain ran out of time to drop off winter clothes to friends, so we've got a bunch here that should have stayed. Also have clothes from last summer for Jake that are pretty snug. I've informed him that he must stop growing for 5 more weeks until more of the 2T summer gear arrives so we can ditch the 18 month stuff. I'm sure I'll come up with lots of things I would leave home once we get our sea freight in five weeks. Bring: Kitchen - cookie sheet, pizza pan, casserole dish, medium large mixing bowl, cheap saucepan, MY spatula and rubber scraper, kitchen shears, plastic plates, cups and bowls so the kids don't break the expensive hotel ones, spices for cooking, tupperware for flour, sugar, salt, etc, 200 ziplock baggies (both sandwich size and gallon), kids lunchboxes, water bottle for everyone, four boxes of comfort breakfast cereal Toys and Kid Stuff - ALL woobies, binkies, Potsies, special love things, depending on how long we have to survive without, three favorites for each kid, predetermined alotment of cash to buy new and exciting toys upon arrival in new home, balls, pool toys as well as water wings/life jackets, playdough, markers, craft supplies, glue sticks, pencils, erasers for homework, Misc - printer, paper, ink cartridge, piggy banks/baggies/papers/whatever to pay kids allowance (they're still going to want it even if I'm discombobulated and then I don't have to say "no" I can say "do you have enough of your own money to buy it?"), Angie's fancy pillow that wards off stiff necks and back pain, my brand of face soap (because climate change plus high stress living is sure to bring teenage level acne breakouts), makeup, nail clippers, tweezers, thermometer for sick kids, fever/pain meds for adults and double amount for kids, eye glasses repair kit (screws, screwdriver, soft clothes, detail pliers), small screw driver to install batteries into new toys, box cutter to open air freight, scissors, family calendar, suction cups with hooks or those 3M removable hooks (hang excess swim wear in bathroom to dry, calendar on the wall, artwork from the kids, kitchen towels to dry because it isn't my house and I can't make permanent changes but those things make life much more orderly and tidy), tape (packing, masking and scotch to get you started), power converters as necessary, umbrellas, sun screen and bug spray to get buy until you find something you like, laundry bins (not sure this is a must, but we had 3 rubbermaid bins left at the end of packing so I tossed them in our near empty air freight box to fill the last half a box and they've been real handy - for laundry and go cart racing around the living room too) Clothes - next size up in everything for the kids, but special attention to Sunday clothes (Jake has 12 month slacks that are now better described as capris he's wearing to church these days and nearing the point of belly shirts, poor guy), school clothes, croc/sandal for swimming, swim suits boots/glove/hat/coat if winter, nice slacks for Angie (some days I think I should step it up a little, like for parent teacher conferences or school tours, but this back side isn't finding any pants on this continent that fit), Brian needs more t-shirts, cub scout uniform (and book) Mostly we chose to live light. We didn't forget anything that was huge and earth shattering beyond a stroller. In a moment of sheer exhaustion and frustration that the double stroller wouldn't fit in the air frieght box I gave the small umbrella style double stoller away. That was a definate mistake. Really could have used it. Ended up paying $40 for a single umbrella stroller to save Jake's life from his constant running in the street. Could have been free since we've got another coming on the boat, plus that one only cost $10 in the first place. If that's the worst of our troubles, we're doing really, really well. We have about everything we really need to survive here in the furnished apartment. For being the hoarder that I am, this has gone quite well. It's been nice to not have way too much stuffed into this little place, but as time rolls forward, we're accumulating more and more stuff. I bought some cleaning supplies, laundry stain remover then saw it was only for whites so had to buy more, stuff to mop the floor, misc pans and kitchen goods, food (vinegar, brown sugar, soy sauce, ketchup, etc) that we had to leave and now will have to move. It's fine. It's just across town, just a bit on an inconvenience to move again.

"Pssst...Mom, I Have A Secret"

I went in to say goodnight to Maddie Mae and she whispers, "pssst...Mom, I have a secret I didn't tell you yet. Do you want to know what it is?"

"Yeah! What is it?" "I decided that today was going to be a good day. And it was!" Her grin was from one ear to the other. The level of pride inside her was off the charts. My heart began to swell too. See, that's what I tell her at the end of the day when we have one of those "I'm contractually obligated to love you because I'm your mother but I don't have to like you" sort of days. We've had a lot of them since our arrival here. It's been rough. Even cool Mr. Brian has lost his cool with her and that really says something about her behavior if even he can't deal with her. He's the most even tempered guy I know.

Things are so rough with Maddie. She's a rough kid and I'm not the most refined mother. Her will is unbendable and she never runs out of fight. She grits her teeth and will dish back anything I foolishly try to throw her way and it isn't pretty. If she's not in the mood for something you better believe you are going to hear about it. Over and over and over. At the top of her little lungs and with veins popping in her neck while she clenches her fists.

Through much reflection over many, many months I've come up with a plan of sorts. I really feel like it's Gods plan, not mine because it's not something I really want to do everyday. I know that the days of unconditional love are already behind us. The days of quickly forgiving after a heartfelt apology and hug are also waning. If I can't repair this mother daughter relationship in the next few years, there won't be anything there when she's ten, fourteen, eighteen. I have come to view today as crucial.

Today I either build or break Maddie. I don't always choose right. Sometimes my temper, short fuse, exhaustion or frustration gets the better of me. Still, almost every day I try to have a minute with her when she's lying in bed. To tell her the good she did, even if the only nice thing I have to say is that she pushed the elevator button really well. She needs to be built up. Despite the iron will, she wilts like a delicate flower if not cared for properly. I don't believe in sugar coating things, so in a calm voice, I mention quickly the troubles we had that day and then compliment every silly thing I can think of. On the nights when the day was more bad than good I ask her if we work together tomorrow does she think we can have a better day. She's an honest girl and when she's still hurting, she tells me "no." Mostly she thinks we can do better together.

Tonight she gave me a great gift. The secret that today we would have a good day. And we did. We shopped in Chinatown and she walked for two hours without whining. We left a play date with no tears. She cleaned up her craft so we could eat dinner. We had a single time out and she took it well, no crying or back talk about how it was unfair. We had a good day. We had a great day. The best part? She complimented me back tonight. "When I had to go to time out, you didn't even yell." I teared up. She's right. I handled it really, really well. She tried to push Jake off a chair in such a way that he would have been hurt quite badly and I did great.

God has his hands in the details of our lives and he's here at our house now. Working, teaching and molding Maddie and I. I feel prompted to do or say or not say things. He opens my eyes to notice the good I typically overlook because in my mind it is simply expected. I see more now than I did before. I am eternally grateful, because Maddie is amazing. She will probably be my funnest child to hang out with as an adult. I want to be her friend someday in the future when the mothering role evolves away. She's so full of spunk and personality. I know she's a keeper and I love that little lady.

Ben Quotes and Cooking Adventures

“Mom…..I feel like Virginia was an ice land like in the movie Ice Age because it was so cold there. And below Virginia is a WHOLE NEW WORLD!! It’s called Singapore and there is no snow there EVER!”

While I was blogging and the kids finishing dinner, “Ewwww! Food just came out my nose when I sneezed. That’s weird. Hey, are you typing that on the blog?” “Yep.” “Okay, I’ll try to do it again then. Before you finish you need to write, ‘Ben got carrot on his chair and arm.’”

Also said today. “Mom, I know what I want for snack tomorrow. Carrots.” Uhhhh…say what? That coming from the boy who typically sheds tears over the thought of eating a tiny baby carrot. Today he was starving after school. He asked for a snack. I said he needed to come up with an idea. For weeks he has shot down any idea I give him and flops on the ground because whatever terrible food I dared mention makes him so upset. I ask and ask what he wants me to have in the house that isn’t candy or ice cream for snacks. Not once has he provided an answer. We have almost nothing under the sun that he will take to school for snack beyond pears. When we go on Saturday family outings we pack lots of water and several snack foods and I ask before we go what he wants, offering up to six or seven different things. I think he’s chosen to go hungry every single week so far. This kid is picky beyond belief. No granola bars, no pretzels, goldfish only sometimes, no banana, no apple, no oranges, no raisins. Just forget even trying vegetables. And now apparently he’s having carrots for snack tomorrow. I think it has something to do with the fact that he prepared them and they were just a slight touch sweeter than the normal big carrots. In any case, I’ll cross my fingers, but I’m not holding my breath.

The net result of his hunger today was that he chose a single slice of bread for his snack and ten minutes later was asking if it was dinner time. It was 4:20. I asked what he wanted to eat for dinner. He asked if we had mac'n'cheese, which we did. He got it and began preparing to cook it. Seizing on the odd opportunity that was currently presenting itself, I helped him read the instructions on the box, supervise to make sure he got all the right tools and watched him cook a dinner he was really excited to eat. It was awesome! Knowing the water would take a good while to boil I told him this is the time you use to get other things ready. I showed him the available vegetables in the fridge. He chose carrots. He peeled them and I chopped them up. He plated them. We read the next instruction to drain the noodles. I asked if the sink was ready. He understood the problem of having all the carrot skins in the sink so he cleaned it up. What a great day. I do think it was the best dinner I've had in a while. Just don't mention to him that we had mac'n'cheese for lunch today too. It was totally worth eating again for him to take such pride in his work.

After dinner Ben continued to be fantastic. This kid usually whines about any tiny amount of homework. Not today. He did his math on the bus and was just fine with doing the corrections I had to have him fix, mostly it was 5, 6 and 7 written backwards which is terribly frustrating to him. Then he did make-up spelling journal exercises because we swam and had a pizza party on Tuesday instead of homework. Then he did tonight's spelling homework. I asked him to read two books because no matter how many we return each day, he gets two new ones each and every day. We had a back log of 9 at the house now. This nut job decided to read four. Then since he was halfway through anyway, he finished the entire pile. We were up an hour past bedtime so he could do it, but it was totally worth it. He's a good boy that Ben. I think we're going to keep him around.

Monkey Attack!!

Yesterday was playgroup again and Maddie was excited to go.  We had quite a surprise as we came into the park from the bus stop.  Maddie had decorated an empty square juice box (1 liter size) to be a castle and was insistent that she bring it to the park.  I allowed it as long as she was in charge of it.  As we came up the road to the beginning of the car park (parking lot) there were lots of monkeys.  One saw us and almost immediately started to charge us. It got way too close before I figured out what was going on and ripped the castle/juice box from her hands and threw it at the monkey.  He was satisfied and instantly ripped it to shreds but she was traumatized.  Needless to say we were leery of monkeys when it was snack time at the playground and could see a baby monkey in the tree nearby.  We’ve already emptied another juice container so now we have a craft project planned for this afternoon while Jakey has his naptime.

Ahhh.  Welcome to my new life.  Some things could just never happen in Virginia.

Money, Money, Money!

All my kids LOVE money. Ben has been getting an allowance for about two years. He understands how to pay tithing and how much has to be put in his savings account and how much he gets to keep. He can read a price tag in the store and budget his cash to buy what he wants and know how much is going to be left over or if he can’t afford the thing he wants. Sometimes he even has the self-control to save up for a bigger item he wants to get.

Maddie started getting allowance this month. She LOVES to sit and sort her money out. She loves to count and put the right number of ten cent coins on the paper in the predrawn holes (doubt they are called dimes, but I don’t know what to call them).

Jake loves to hold as many coins in his chubby little hands as he possibly can. He walks around saying, “Dis one my money? Dis one MY money.” He scours the floor for lost coins and collects them to put in his pockets. I informed the kids that now that both of them are getting allowance we won’t be able to know if the money is his or hers anymore. Therefore, all money left out is Mom’s money. Maybe we’ll make it Jake’s money. When we pay out allowance to the big kids and then figure tithing and things I have to make sure to have lots of extra change to keep Jacob occupied placing it on colored paper all by himself.

Jake is also totally tuned into the fact that money is used for magic tricks and at our house it always is. Brian frequently does coin tricks for any visitors we may have as well as our own kids. Jacob loves to do magic shows just like dad. He'll grab a coin and say, "Abba abba hokus hokus" instead of "abra cadabra, hokus pokus." Then he will put the coin to the left hand and open the right one saying, "not in this one." Then he shifts the coin in his hands right in front of you and smiles as he shows you the other hand is now empty with total confidence that he has just accomplished the most amazing magic trick I have ever seen. It melts my heart.

I Can Totally See What You Mean

Ben wears a uniform to school here.  Every other day is “alternate dress day” where they can wear anything the like.  Last time he was a little unsure so he wore his uniform.  This morning I saw him in his uniform again and asked him if he liked alternate dress day yesterday.  He said, “Yeah.  It was WAY easier to find the kids I wanted on the playground.”