"Pssst...Mom, I Have A Secret"

I went in to say goodnight to Maddie Mae and she whispers, "pssst...Mom, I have a secret I didn't tell you yet. Do you want to know what it is?"

"Yeah! What is it?" "I decided that today was going to be a good day. And it was!" Her grin was from one ear to the other. The level of pride inside her was off the charts. My heart began to swell too. See, that's what I tell her at the end of the day when we have one of those "I'm contractually obligated to love you because I'm your mother but I don't have to like you" sort of days. We've had a lot of them since our arrival here. It's been rough. Even cool Mr. Brian has lost his cool with her and that really says something about her behavior if even he can't deal with her. He's the most even tempered guy I know.

Things are so rough with Maddie. She's a rough kid and I'm not the most refined mother. Her will is unbendable and she never runs out of fight. She grits her teeth and will dish back anything I foolishly try to throw her way and it isn't pretty. If she's not in the mood for something you better believe you are going to hear about it. Over and over and over. At the top of her little lungs and with veins popping in her neck while she clenches her fists.

Through much reflection over many, many months I've come up with a plan of sorts. I really feel like it's Gods plan, not mine because it's not something I really want to do everyday. I know that the days of unconditional love are already behind us. The days of quickly forgiving after a heartfelt apology and hug are also waning. If I can't repair this mother daughter relationship in the next few years, there won't be anything there when she's ten, fourteen, eighteen. I have come to view today as crucial.

Today I either build or break Maddie. I don't always choose right. Sometimes my temper, short fuse, exhaustion or frustration gets the better of me. Still, almost every day I try to have a minute with her when she's lying in bed. To tell her the good she did, even if the only nice thing I have to say is that she pushed the elevator button really well. She needs to be built up. Despite the iron will, she wilts like a delicate flower if not cared for properly. I don't believe in sugar coating things, so in a calm voice, I mention quickly the troubles we had that day and then compliment every silly thing I can think of. On the nights when the day was more bad than good I ask her if we work together tomorrow does she think we can have a better day. She's an honest girl and when she's still hurting, she tells me "no." Mostly she thinks we can do better together.

Tonight she gave me a great gift. The secret that today we would have a good day. And we did. We shopped in Chinatown and she walked for two hours without whining. We left a play date with no tears. She cleaned up her craft so we could eat dinner. We had a single time out and she took it well, no crying or back talk about how it was unfair. We had a good day. We had a great day. The best part? She complimented me back tonight. "When I had to go to time out, you didn't even yell." I teared up. She's right. I handled it really, really well. She tried to push Jake off a chair in such a way that he would have been hurt quite badly and I did great.

God has his hands in the details of our lives and he's here at our house now. Working, teaching and molding Maddie and I. I feel prompted to do or say or not say things. He opens my eyes to notice the good I typically overlook because in my mind it is simply expected. I see more now than I did before. I am eternally grateful, because Maddie is amazing. She will probably be my funnest child to hang out with as an adult. I want to be her friend someday in the future when the mothering role evolves away. She's so full of spunk and personality. I know she's a keeper and I love that little lady.