Toilet Duty

Long story short. Jacob has been horrible the last two days. At every turn of every minute toward every person. This morning I couldn't handle it anymore so he had to call dad at 2:00 am and wake him up to report in and get a punishment. He chose scrubbing the toilets. Knowing that when he pooped on the floor two weeks ago he had been a disaster to deal with when I made him clean it up himself I had to have a plan to counter the difiance I knew was coming after school when toilet time would finally materialize. My chosen bonus punishment for any whiny comment or cry of injustice was that for every comment I got to eat TWO pieces of his Easter candy.

Finally it was five o'clock and time to start the scrubbing. Good news. Bad news. Jacob LOVES cleaning toilets. Not a single complaint came outta the kid doing all four bathrooms (Gina wisely opted out of the punishment of washing her toilet so as to avoid the five year old mess he would create when he was "cleaning"). When he finished he asked me to ALWAYS ask him to scrub toilets whenever I need it done. I replied to him saying that he could scrub Ms Jennifer's too because she had 5 dirty ones today. He clasp his hands together in front of his chest and his eyes lit up like Fourth of July fireworks. You would have thought I gave him the worlds best Christmas present.

Bad Morning

We ended the day yesterday discussing at dinner Bens major attitude problem. I came at it kind and open. We discussed that there were a million tiny rude incidence throughout the day that are putting me to my boiling point and that I am not being very kind to him these last few days because he's being such a twit. I told him that I was trying to do better and be kind in specific situations and asked if he was. No surprise he was not. 

I let him pick a daily situation where we have trouble. Bedtime. He states that the trouble at bedtime is that I tell him to get his pajamas on and brush his teeth too many times every night. Instead of screaming in his face like I wanted to for being so blind to the problem, we discussed it. I asked him how many times I tell him to do said chores. We agree it is typically between three and five times a night, three being an unusual occurrence and more than five not so rare. I posed the crazy question of "if you obeyed the first time how many more times would I ask the same question?" He grumbled the obvious answer with disgust. Exactly how I feel. Disgusted.

With the conversation fresh in his mind, and his own time estimate of seven minutes on a timer in the kitchen he was ready in six minutes and fifteen seconds. And he nearly went to bed on the first request though he still lingered and tried to negotiate or find something to get me talking with him to distract me and let him stay up longer. 

This morning before my feet even hit the ground floor I got a report from Madison while I was showering that Ben said he hates her and Jacob says Ben pushed him on the ground. He is currently back in his bed reading for 30 minutes any violin that is NOT Diary of a Wimpy Kid.

I have no idea what to so with him once he finishes his thirty minutes away from me. This summer is a disaster for him. Last summer was too. If I recall correctly he was horrid for a month, we went to USA for 3 weeks where he was rotten but entertained enough not to cause too many problems dispite his atrocious attitude problem over every single thing he didn't want to do. Then we came back home and he was pleasant for a week before the last three weeks he was a beast again. This kid does so much better when he has school to fill his days with positive experiences that keep him happily busy and productively learning. 

I think for homeschool craft time today we may make a first day of school count down chain. I feel like I need it this morning. I'm just feeling depressed. I want to have fun and love on him but he doesn't allow any positive time between all the bad. 

Cheeky Maddie

I found Maddie's socks shoved behind the toilet on the second floor bathroom. I told Gina not to move them and let me know if she sees anything else like that again. Turns out she's been doing it already. Punk kid. Now to find a proper punishment will be my next quest. I'm thinking up and down the stairs three times every night to make up for the stairs she skipped by being lazy.

"I'll Spit On Her!"

Ashlyn is a very wet baby. She always has slobber dripping off her chin and copious amounts of spit bubbles on her lips. She sneezed a big wet face full of nasty onto me yesterday. I proclaimed, "Eww!! That's gross Ashlyn!" Jacob ran over to me and loudly declared, "I'll spit on her for you!" Have I mentioned that he's spending fifty percent of his time outs as a result of spitting? It's a problem to be sure.

Also Ashlyn has some news. She's discovering her hands. She is playing with her binkie on a string and gobbling her fingers all day long. This picture made me laugh. She pulled the string hard and it sprung up. She was so confused and couldn't find it anywhere. Poor girl. It was sitting right there on her forehead.

Little Ears

Yesterday I went on a Mommy-Ben date. We went to Friendly's and got ice cream together. We had a nice time talking a bit, but mostly he was interested in coloring his activity page. When we sat down they gave us some glasses that looked like 3D glasses. Brian had previously told me that we needed 3D glasses for a movie Maddie got for Christmas, so if they were still passing them out to grab another pair. The waitress was sweet. She talked to Ben and they discussed the weird red lense glasses. He said his sisters got ripped up at home so she didn't have any now. She winked at me and said we'd better get some for her before we left. I took that to mean she would bring some. Score! Mission accomplished I figured. Well, when she brought our ice cream she had either forgotten or I had misunderstood what she meant. In any case, no glasses. When it was time to leave there was no one at the hostess desk, so I grabbed a pair. After all, they are free and I didn't get one, but I was a paying customer, so I should be able to have one, right? I didn't ask. Just took one off the desk and left. Fast forward to dinner - Talking with Brian with the kids at the table we were all talking about how exciting we were for Maddie to have new red glasses again. I absent mindedly said something to Brian about how I took them from the front or joked about having to steal them, can't really recall what I said. I only remember the effect. Ben heard: "MOM STOLE GLASSES FROM THE STORE!!" Ugh. How do you explain to a kid? How do you prove to them that no one actually cares? How do you explain that it's okay for Mom to take something without asking when that would never be allowed for him? How do you fix it? You admit you shouldn't have taken them and tell your five year old honesty police that you will do the right thing and fix it. You feel ashamed to have been caught. You feel embarassed that you have to take back a pair of stolen "free" glasses for the sake of honesty. You apologize to your kid for making a bad choice. You think harder about what you do next time before you do it. You remember that little ears hear everything and will catch you if you mess up. Ugh. I've been a bad mommy. Sorry kiddo. I'll do better next time. Thanks for reminding me of who I am and what I should be.

Chair Theft Update - Crisis Averted

Upon Brian's return home Thursday evening I was, well, loosing it. People just don't believe me about Jacob. He is so pleasant when we're out. He's not pleasant at home. He screams. All day long. This particular day Jacob had been screaming from almost the instant he woke in the morning until 5pm when we all heard the familiar sounds of Daddy's key in the front door. Poor man. He didn't know what he was walking into. Honestly we only heard the key because I was out of scream at the moment. Jacob had shredded every last nerve in my frail psyche. Ben and Maddie had made a massive mess of cut up paper scraps, markers, crayons and staples all over the kitchen table and floor and were NOT interested in cleaning it up. Jacob was buckled into his high chair with a snack and screaming at the top of his lungs. I'd had it. I was yelling and angry, "Clean that UP!!" "Stop Jacob!" and the like. For anyone under the false pretense that motherhood is all glamor, you are invited over to my place for a reality check. Some days just suck. No. Some days really, really really SUCK rocks. But there are no smoke breaks for a mother at home (see my post Aug 3, 2009). We all heard the key in the lock and since no one ran to greet him, he tried to bait them with a friendly, "Fee fie fo fum..." I met him at the door and confessed in tears that it would really be best if I left now. The kids hadn't done anything wrong but I had and I needed to leave now. I NEEDED to leave NOW. He is a saint. How I scored a husband like Brian I will never know. He just said, "Okay. Go ahead." I knelt down and snuggled Maddie in my arms and told her she didn't do anything wrong. That Mommy was having a hard time and making bad choices so I needed to go on a walk. I told Ben he didn't do anything wrong either and that I loved them both and walked out. Now what? Tears streaming down my face I stood for a minute, then sat on the front step. Where was I going? I had no idea. Then I saw them. A bunch of kids hauling lumber over the hill and through the forest. Excellent. I was keyed up for a fight and here we go. I just had to follow them to find the stolen chair and I knew it. So I did. I could tell about where they were headed so I circled around the woods beyond their destination and came back right at them. There is a lovely group of post high school kids selling drugs in our neighborhood. Great, right? One guy got out of jail and can't find anyone to take him in so he's been living in the woods. The weather is turning cold so they were starting to build a shelter for him. As I approached I saw it. Right in the middle of their group with a kid sitting in it. A neon yellow tag still hanging off the right arm with my name address and phone number on it. I told them I wanted to know which one of them stole my chair. Of course they said it was theirs, they bought it and to get out of there and leave them alone. I picked up the chair and dumped the kid into the dirt. Showed them the NEON yellow tag with my name and one kid all of a sudden said he didn't know where it came from and it was just there when they came. Idiots. I told them they better not be found stealing anything else from my yard and walked back toward my house. Not twenty steps later I heard them all yelling at each other and fighting. Apparently they all decided that the guy who stole it was in trouble with the clan and wasn't allowed to come down there anymore. I turned around and yelled back how convenient it was that they already knew exactly who stole it. I didn't care who it was. Make sure no one messes with me again. I don't think they will. They were nice to me and my kids all summer. I took the chair back to the house and then walked to a friends house and sat at her kitchen table while she cooked dinner for her family. Turns out her day was just as bad. Only her problems were real. Good to put life into perspective. In the end we got the chair back so Ben doesn't have to buy a new one and I don't have to figure out what to do about the whole situation. I figure he's suffered enough emotionally to qualify as full punishment. I know he won't leave things out again.

She'll Never Make It

Overheard from the basement while Maddie and Ben are playing house together. Maddie on the verge of yelling at Ben: "NO!! You can't go camping!" Ben starts wimpering and crying. Maddie in a sugar sweet voice: "Okay, baby. You can go camping now. It's okay. Don't cry. Don't worry. You can go camping now. See? Right here you can do it." Maddie will never make it as a mommy. You have to be hard nosed, follow through with all your terrible rotten threats and be just plain overall mean. She's a softie and it's kinda cute.