Goodbyes Are Hard

We say goodbye to friends far too often living here where everyone and their dog is "only here 2 or 3 years" but no one leaves on schedule. Some leave after 10 months and are surprised and some stay 14 years on their 2 year assignment. Life is never predictable. Jonette made a great collage of a goodbye when her family moved back to Maryland. It's the perfect commentary to expat life.

 

Our family.

Ekbergs - went to University of Utah with him 15 years ago, met her here 2 yrs ago and went to Bangkok for a girls weekend away

Pitman & Peterson - both here a long while and on local package home schooling and in local schools

All the kids - we MUST be a Mormon group!

Jonette & Brooke - seen Brooke around but don't live close

Twittys - been around but live far so don't know them well but want to because they're fun!

Mona - don't see her often enough, darn ward split

Lifferths - moved to Singapore two months ago and already attending a goodbye party for Jonette who they swapped child care with

Szarka - been in Singapore 7 days, still jet lagged and peppered us with questions about where to shop, how to hire a maid, where is this, how do you that.

And the pictures go on, etc, etc

And that's how we roll here in the expat world. ALWAYS making new friends. You learn quick to jump in and get to know people and if someone invites you over, it's not a pity thing, it's just what you gotta do. All offers of friendship are genuine.

Girl Talk

I played phone tag today with one of my best girl friends. As Madison walked out of her violin lesson, the phone rang and I grabbed it. We walked to the car, got seat belts etc. and then the call disconnected unexpectedly. I took the chance to quickly tell her why I took the call because she had had a very bad day today and wanted to talk for a minute but I apologized in case Madison felt ignored.
"We'll why do you care if she had a terrible day?" came the reply from my fend for yourself, don't bother me with your problems daughter. Such a Maddie comment. I will remember this when she is running up cell phone bills talking to her girlfriends at sixteen and seeing every move they make as critical and important to be discussed and reviewed in excruciating detail. Maybe then she will understand my reply, "Because she's a girl and I'm a girl and girls need to talk and share with their buddies. And also because we are friends."

Update

The kids were super happy to find the new family, the Monsons, have five kids and go to our church. The bad news? They just flew in from the States so they were so tired the kids were sleeping on the couch amidst the movers. Oh well. They'll adjust and be ready to play in a day or two. Other good news? Mary and Auntie came today and cleaned the house. It is totally worth every penny we pay them. My house is shiny clean and the double bonus? Brian doesn't have scouts for the rest of the summer so he gets to come home and actually enjoy the clean. Usually he gets home late from taking the train home and basically goes right to bed. As much as I like a clean kitchen counter and dining room floor, he really loves it.

Hooked On Phonics Worked for Ben...Sort Of

Miracle of miracles, I suggested reading Hooked on Phonics to Ben today and he didn't cry. He's a decent reader, but isn't making much forward progress because won't practice. He started the school year out strong, but his peers seem to be passing right over him. He'll listen to you read to him all day long, but cries and cries if you make him do it. To be honest, I haven't pushed it because I didn't want to make him hate reading. But here we are nearing the end of his first year at school and I'm not quite sure what to do about inspiring a love of reading. After he finished the Hooked on Phonics story in his workbook and earned his tootsie roll for completing it three times over the course of a few days, he started practicing the word repetition pages. They use a series of rhyming words to help the kids pick up on the similar endings and make reading fast by just exchanging the first letter. He must have been in a pretty good mood, because he started being silly with the rhymes. While reading the "ug" line, he read "bug, dug, so I guess that bug must be the opposite of dug since they are together." "Since a bug is so small, I thought the opposite of a bug would be something much larger, like a person. Would a person be a good opposite of a bug?" "Mom, I guess dug really is the opposite of bug. Cause don't you know dug is huge-r than a bug. You know. Doug Arveseth. He's real huge."

Lunch with the Little People

The boys (Ben and Anthony) are learning about magnets in kindergarten. While they waited for their lunches to come to the table Anthony started rubbing the top of the kitchen table with his palm. He pushed harder and harder and his focus got deeper and deeper on the task. Finally he told the other kids, "Look! See? It's magnatized now!" Then he looks at me and says, "Wow. I was pretty good. I'm just like a video you watch to learn about magnets!" Maddie is always wildly excited to pray any chance she gets. Yesterday Ben's comment when I chose her for the lunch prayer was, "Oh good. She prays the fastest in the whole family and I'm hungry. She just can't ever think of stuff to say." Today she said the lunch prayer, short and sweet. After a few minutes she hollers out at me, "Mom, I think we need to pray again." When asked why, she explained, "I prayed but my food is still hot." I guess that a 2 second prayer isn't quite long enough to cool a pizza at 450 to eating temp.

Miscalculation

Tonight I went out with the old Stake Young Womens Presidency. It was a reunion of sorts. When you spend that many hours with a group of ladies over a year and a half, you just become fast friends. We hadn't been together since July and it was so great to catch up with them. We really were good friends. So much so that our presidency meetings were often three hours long. Brian (and Carol's husband Bryce) concur that there is a unique female thing going on when women work together in the church and foster friendships like this. Without being able to remember the exact wording, Bryce said basically that there was a pre-meeting warm up session where we had to all meet and greet and say hellos. Then we do the business portion of the meeting for which we were supposed to meet. Finally we have the cool down portion where we discuss upcoming happenings and talk a little more about this and that. All in all it takes about three hours for us to meet as a presidency. Of course with this group of friends we always had half time break in addition - Annandale testimony meeting report. No kidding, rolling on the floor laughing. The other three of us are coming with popcorn and candy sometime just to observe. Tonight Brian figured since we didn't have any actual business to discuss or events to plan now that the meeting could be drastically cut to two hours of social time. Even I was surprised by his large miscalculation. Usually he's really, really good with numbers and all. I left at 6:30 pm and returned a few minutes after 11:00 pm. Yep. A four and a half hour meeting. Gosh it was fun. I'm so totally glad Outback was dead tonight. Empty tables all over the restaurant so we didn't have to be in any rush to leave. Guess the economy really is hitting hard. The night was perfect. Perfect I say. I miss my friends!

Exploring Race and Five Year Old Friendships

I admit, we lead a pretty caucasian life. Even though we have friends of several nationalities in our neighborhood court, more than half of the people are caucasian, just like us.  It's one of the reasons that I thought I would like to raise my kids outside of the super white state of Utah.  It isn't anyone's fault, but Utah is very caucasian and I wanted my kids to see a diverse group of people living together.  Texas was a pretty good mix of racial groups.  Virginia is a reasonable mix too, but I often forget to notice.

On the first day of school, after Ben got off the bus, I asked him if he made any friends that day.  His response was, "Mom, you can't really make a friend in just one day.  It takes more time than that.  I didn't talk to anyone today. I was just watching people today 'cause I was shy to talk to them." 

No surprise that Ben has been hesitant to talk to anyone at school, but after three days I figured he would be warming up to his classmates and becoming comfortable enough to have made a friend or two.  So I probed again today to see if he's talking to the other kids yet.  I put Maddie and Jacob down for a nap and told Ben to wash his hands and we'd have a special reward snack.  We broke out the spoons, peanut butter, chocolate chips and M&Ms and ate while we talked.

Mom: "Are you talking to the kids at snack time yet?"
Ben: "Well...kind of."
Mom trying to get him to open up: "Do you laugh about silly and funny things with Jacob?" (the only name I can remember was written on his table at open house day)
Ben breaking out in a sly smile: "Yeah."
Mom: "Does everyone say silly things at snack time?"
Ben in a full happy smile now: "Yeah, I like to laugh with the two kids on this side of me." (pointing to his right side)
Mom: "Is one of those guys the kid named Jacob?"
Ben: "Yeah.  The guy that is two guys away from me."
Mom: "Who sits between you and Jacob?"
Ben: "A girl.  I don't know her name."
Mom: "Who else sits at your table?"
Ben: "I don't know their names.  There is the one guy that isn't the brown guy.  Like...he has skin like a match to you and me."
Mom (snickering and not sure how to interpret that comment): "So do you like everyone at your table?"
Ben: "No.  Not really."
Mom: "Who do you not like yet?"
Ben: "The girl that is across from me."
Mom: "Why don't you like her?"
Ben with a furrowed brow and frusteration in his voice: "She's always just staring at me the whole time I'm sitting at my table and she is at the table."
Mom: "Doesn't she look at the other kids too?"
Ben: "No.  She only looks at me and I don't like it cause that's all she does to me.  She doesn't even talk to me."
More conversing about how we could try to be nice and talk to her....

Ben: "I just have one best friend."
Mom: "Who is that?"
Ben: "The person that I can't explain their name."
Mom: "Tell me the things you know about your best friend."
Ben: "She is the girl I sit with on the bus.  That's all I know."

Adios Pam. We love you.

We had Chilean night the other day. When Pam moved, we got her fridge leftovers which included authentic Chilean empanadas and filo dough. I called Pam the other day to chat and find out how to actually make the empanadas. She recommended not trying my first attempt with the hard to work with filo, but after searching the fridge for other options and looking at the clock that read 5:30 pm and considering my children who kept asking for snacks, I just went for it. Now I'm sure they could have been prettier, but they weren't half bad for a beginner. Besides, they tasted great! Thanks Pam. We'll miss you!

Break Out the Root Beer...Lauren's Gone!

Brian and Lauren have an interesting relationship to say the least. I think it all started over two years ago when Brian answered the door or phone and was less than enthusiastic in announcing her arrival/call. Nothing personal, he was just tired that day. After a bit of chastisement from her about not being excited to see her, Brian stepped it up a bit and it's been going on for well over a year. Whenever Lauren calls or comes by the house now, he greets her with a smile from ear to ear and a ridiciously excited and boisterously loud, "LAUREN!!!!!" Trust me, it woke the kids from their naps upstairs one time. It's loud and exuberant. Sort of makes me laugh too and I'm sure it makes her feel sooooo special.

Since the kids get along so well, they have had many a dinner at our place too. I'm not much into beverages, so Brian has had to manage his own stash since our wedding day. He always has two sodas in the fridge chilling for his enjoyment. Cold drinks are important to him. I mean very important. I even received a compliment once that made me laugh. Someone once told me that they liked eating at our house because we always had "superbly chilled beverages."

Apparently, Lauren is of the same persuasion as Brian. She enjoys a superbly chilled beverage, root beer in particular. Brian also favors his root beer (and his beverage chilling system). Since the standard stash typically includes a single root beer and one other flavor, it became an arm wrestle of sorts who got the root beer when our dear guests dined with us. Brian, being a chivalrous fellow, typically gave Lauren the root beer. When Lauren and I had lunch together, Lauren knew to ask before she partook of the coveted drink, lest Brian return home from a long hard day at the office and only could find a nasty, putrid, room temperature root beer. Between the three of us, over time, it became our little inside joke. Brian and I would laugh when she wasn't there that he was going to have to hide them from her in the vegetable drawer to make sure he had one when he wanted it or sometimes he'd ask as he restocked the fridge if Lauren would be coming over soon so he could put in extra so as not to mess up his system.

Alas, I seem to be going through friends like I did college roommates (nine roommates in a two bedroom apartment over a short 11 month period). Lauren, like most my other good friends, moved last weekend to the far away land of "Fair Oaks Ward." That's far in Mormon talk.* Very far. Heck, it's a different stake. In fact, we may never see each other again. Ever. You know what I mean. There's no hope. Another close friend, gone to the wind. In my attempts to again, look on the bright side and keep a positive attitude about my loneliness, all I have to say is, "Lauren, we'll miss you. Now break out the root beer, she's gone!"

*Mormons typically go to a congregation based on geographic boundaries, so everyone in the congregation lives close together. So, rather than "church shopping" when we move, we just find the closest congregation then your church friends end up being your neighors too. Lauren will go to another building and our paths won't cross as often as they used to when we could walk to each other's houses...but she'll only live 5 miles away. :)

Bragging Rights - I Saw the Arveseth Babies First!!

All my friends from Fairfax can now be jealous. I mean, really, really jealous. Last night I got to go visit Catherine Arveseth and see her sweet new baby boys in the NICU. I had the honor of being their first Virginia visitor. Those boys are melt-your-heart cute. I got to hold little Gordon who is just about 4 pounds. He has the cutest miniature face and features and his entire brow wrinkles from the left side of his face to the right in three deep creases. He was wide awake the entire visit and never made a peep. After spending a day on the airplane wrestling 6 month old, chunky Jacob, it was hard to believe the twins could possibly be that teensy. Spencer was taking a snooze so no holding, just gawking at him. He is delicious too. It was so fun to catch up with Catherine and give updates on what all of you guys in Virginia are doing. It was a sad, sad parting again, but an unexpected blessing that we got to see each other at all. I miss my dear friend Cath so much and it was good for my heart to see her face and feel her sweet presence again. Ahhh. It was a really, really great night. I am a happy woman.

Ring, Ring...Hi Catherine, Can You Go To The Park in Twenty Minutes?

I'm missing Catherine today. She was my playground buddy. On a day like today, when the weather is warm and the sun is strong with a smothering warmth, we call each other. Usually during nap time, we have both found enough time to muster up the energy to drag ourselves outside. No one else around is as free as us. All our other friends have to deal with homework and buses or school pick up. Catherine and I, we have no strings. At a moments notice we can call, plan and go. And we do. Let's meet at the playground at the Community Center between our houses. It is all of a 2 minute drive for me, 3 for her. The kids can laugh and play. They run and breath the clean fresh air. They climb and slide. We always meet at about 4:00 after the little people awake, happy after much needed rest time. We play for 20 minutes or an hour and a half. We dine on gold fish crackers and granola bars that are bound to spoil dinner for the kids. It buys us more time to talk together and bask in the perfect friendship we both enjoy immensely. Life is perfect in our little mommy world at the park on Zion Drive. Then pull ourselves back to reality when someone scrapes their knee or bumps their head. We head home in time to make dinner. We've enjoyed our break. Out of the house that holds me hostage every day. Out to talk with another grown-up. Free to talk. Solving the world's problems, dream of upcoming fun or cry over heart aches and tough times. We did it together, smiling as our children explored the wonderland outside, searching for acorns, leaves and rocks. I missed you today, Catherine. There was no one to call that was free as a bird like we were. I hope you enjoy watching Conference at home, in your pjs.

Good Friends, Good Times, Goodbye

I had invited, well, lots of friends over for lunch today with their kids. I had been so excited to have everyone together for a while now. Last night we made a show stopping dinner, yes, but it was pretty dish intensive. My belly and back finally demanded that I stop cleaning up last night and I went to bed. No, I'm not sick, but my huge belly was just sore from being pushed into the counter for so long washing dishes forever and my back was sore for my awkward posture trying to stand sideways while washing...basically I quit after working for more than a half hour. The kids made a mess all over the living room and I didn't want to stoop to pick up anything and I just went to bed. I should have had enough time this morning to finish up all the loose ends before our guests arrived, but Maddie woke up on the wrong side of the bed. She just screamed and cried and tantrumed from the second she got out of bed for a solid hour. No particular reason that we ever discovered. She was just cranky. That threw a huge wrench into my plans, but luckily, Mali saved me. She was my first guest and arrived bearing lunch meat (which we were out of, surprise to me...thanks Mali) and a few other things. Then she helped pick up all the toys in the living room, vacuumed the living room and breakfast areas and dried my dishes so the sink could be cleared and wiped down. What a great friend!! It made my afternoon so much more fun to know things were mostly in order. I have the best friends here. Soon after we got things settled and cleaned our other friends began to arrive. We got to see the Nelsons (Emily and Caitlyn), Soderborgs (Mali, Ben and Jane), Arveseths (Catherine, Eliza, Ali and Sami), Glassetts (Cara, Joel and Cambry) and Miles (Marti, Glori and Sophi). Almost all my dear, close friends in Virginia. It is so sad that life changes and people come and go because I would be totally happy to just "stay" in time and have my kids grow up with these great women around us. But time marches on despite my wishes and it is time to say goodbye to Marti to Africa and Catherine to Utah in less than two weeks now. Sad times around here for me and my kids.