Sick Mama

"...for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength." (Mosiah 4:27)

But that's what I have been doing. Running faster than I had strength. Taking phone calls through dinner and bit eating with my kids. Getting the kids to bed and then working 5 hours more each night knowing I would still have to get up at 6:00 to get them to school on time. Not having a date with my husband or really even seeing him after work for the last three weeks because I was glued to the computer screen and phone. I missed him and he was there standing next to me the whole time washing dishes, making weekend meals and doing bath time. He's the best. 

I really thought that with Gina here I could so this Cub Scout registrar thing but it totally kicked my butt. Last event was yesterday afternoon and all that is left is to put the last 30 names in the rosters. Nearly done but my body finally protested. I have been vomiting for 2 hours. A much lighter case but very reminiscent of when I killed myself at YW camp three years ago. When it was done my body let go and I was so, so sick. Slept for 36 hours and vomited for 24 hours and got so weak I could barely stand to go to the toilet to throw up again.

I am grateful for Gina still though. That's where I would have been without her. Wanting to check into a hospital. I cant imagine doing this with having to di laundry, dishes and cooking on top of it. i thonk the main problem is that I planned to do lots of the work in the day but I never got the time. Ashlyn still needed to be played with, kids still needed pick up and drop off and doctor and dentists kept needing to be visited. So where to go from here? I love helping out and doing great things for groups that I believe in, but I obviously can't find my happy, healthy limit.

Now poor Brian has to go to his morning church meetings and return back home to grab our kids for services. That adds another hour to his day of just driving. Because we only have one car I can't even deliver them on my own. I thought his suffering was supposed to end yesterday. Super Man is going to have to be super just one more day I guess. And I predict he wil do it with a smile. He didn't complain about his mid-night duty tonight. He's a saint in my eyes and I love him to pieces.