Thanks Coach Laura Goughnour and Coach Bailey Daynes for making soccer fun. Jacob is so excited he slept with his soccer socks on tonight so he would be ready in the morning. This from the kid that whined and whined and was very angry that I had even dared sign him up to play.
Monday, January 27, 2014
Sunday, January 26, 2014
That's when I saw it. Wendy's. I smelled the french fries the instant I looked up and saw the sign across the parking lot and 4 lanes of traffic. I think I may have just smelled it in my head not my actual nose but it had been a very, very long time since I had partaken of those lovely deep fried salty slices of heaven. I resisted going in as I walked past, I went to the photographer and ordered the kids pictures but on my way home I caved.
I walked into the restaurant and up to the counter asking for a bacon-ator combo. A moist burger loaded with bacon to accompany those fries sounded like heaven. I plopped down my $8 and found a stool to enjoy my feast. No sooner had I sat down than the guilt began.
My head flooded with self loathing thoughts. You can't do this. It's so irresponsible. Too much money. You'd be in trouble if anyone knew you were doing this. NONE of this food is even healthy. You can't afford to be wasting money like this.
It's kind of funny to me that I can go to Burger King or McDonalds without the same emotional reaction. So why the aversion to Wendy's? Well more than fifteen years ago after I had graduated high school and was waiting to go the University in the fall I didn't have a job and wasn't having any great luck finding the perfect one.
I had been hired for a part time day job at a law firm downtown and worked 4 hours a day but that wasn't enough to foot the bill for college. After a few weeks, my dad, not being pleased with my lackadaisical efforts to find more work hours came up with a new plan to help me earn money. My new job was finding a job. I was to get up by 7am and be out of the house by 8am. My job was finding a job. He didn't care where I went to apply but unless I was dropping off a job application or going to an interview I wasn't allowed to drive the car. I couldn't come home until after 5pm. Every day.
It took two weeks or so to find a workable job situation and I had to negotiate both with employers AND my dad. Since I was already committed from 1pm-5pm it was tricky finding another job. Eventually I was hired to start at 4:30am and an office supply store changing price tags and glorious stuff like that. I worked until 11:30am.
I was not allowed to use the car to get to the law firm for work at 1pm so had to walk out to the bus and take it into town. Now that I had another job I was hoping my dad would let me drive because I was being responsible. Nope. Because the city buses didn't begin running until 5:00am, after I already had to be at work, I could use the family car to drive to work the first job. BUT because the bus was working when I got off at 11:30 I had to change clothes and catch the bus from 21st South to downtown. (After work finished at 5pm I took the 5:30pm bus back to the car and drove the rest of the way home.)
The timing of the bus after job #1 generally put me arriving hot and sweaty and about 45 minutes early for job #2. They didn't want me working extra time at the law firm, so I couldn't show up early. I just had to kill time for 45 minutes every day of the week in the terrible awful desert heat of the city with no where to go (and still arrive looking well put together an professional for the next gig).
My stop downtown on bus #35 was right across the street from Wendy's. And it was lunch time. And I was hungry. Everyday. And no one was watching me. So I started to get a spicy chicken sandwich really, really often. Every time the air conditioning and wonderful aroma lured me into those glass doors my heart would pound just a little harder. What if my parents found out I ate out? Would I get in trouble? What if I can't afford tuition second semester because I ate it in the form of spicy chicken sandwiches?
It was my fault I didn't have a scholarship in the end. I did all the forms and applications. Got the recommendation letters, wrote the essays, everything. Scholarship applications were due Jan 28. I found the envelope on my desk, sealed shut, stamped and ready to go on Feb 28. I was desperate. I got scholarships at the colleges I hadn't ended up choosing to attend. I was "good enough" to earn one. I was just late. I called and asked if they could do anything at all. Nope. Tough out of luck. So I kept silent about my mistake. What good would it do anyway. I'd just get yelled at. Better to just tell the truth, "I didn't get any scholarships." That was 100% true. My mistake. My problem to fix.
Was I eating my tuition on those scorching summer days in a cool Wendy's with a pounding heart. I felt guilty every time I went into that nice, cool restaurant. Eventually I resolved to only go in once a week. But then I found a sandwich shop downstairs from the law firm and then the ice cream shop one building over. Oh it was a rough summer of self deprivation. All the things I wanted and had to chose not to have. I had to make the choice to stop eating my tuition money (and books and fees groceries and all the other things you need to live in college).
I hope each one of my kids is faced with good problems as they grow up like I was. And some day they will tell me where they can't eat without feeling guilty like I do at Wendy's.
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Monday, January 6, 2014
“Mom can we watch a movie?”
“YEAH!!!!” all three big kids run to the TV.
“WAIT! You guys have to work together to get Ashlyn in her bed for a nap first.”
“Ashlyn, do you want to take a nap?”
“Do you want to have a binkie?”
“Come on Ashlyn you can sleep.”
“I suggest you trick her.”
“What do you mean?”
“Just everyone leave her and go upstairs. She will follow.”
“Let’s go upstairs!”
Ashlyn screams, “YEAH!” and runs up the stairs.
Everyone burst out laughing. I was right.
Sunday, January 5, 2014
With an average amount of consternation and frustration we got everyone dressed with shoes and then loaded in the car with seatbelts. As we headed toward the freeway Ben casually mentioned, "I thought we started church two hours later this week." DOH!! Brian turned us around and we went back home to hang out for two more hours until it was time to leave for real.
At church we are in that awful place where it's time to teach Ashlyn that she has to stay with us in the pew for the WHOLE meeting and not be catered to and taken in and out for snacks and wiggles.
Frankly the entire chapel was LOUD today. The kids in the congregation were so loud that I honestly couldn't hear the speakers a fair amount of the time (maybe the microphone was too soft). I was getting incredibly frustrated and wanted to tell a couple very old kids in benches nearby to zip it. First - listen, don't talk. Second - if you have to talk then whisper, don't have full volume long discussions about the games you are both playing on ipads during services. And then the thought occurred to me that the tables would be turned VERY soon.
As I try to teach Ashlyn to be quiet we are making a distraction as well, but we are moving from a congregation of 300ish people and 80 primary aged kids to a congregation of 50 total people with 9 kids (4 will be ours). WE will be the noisy rotten family everyone else wants to leave the room very soon. Hopefully that will help me be patient next time I'm fed up with the noise.
On a more funny note today I was telling full volume Ashlyn to "Shhhh" but getting no response. It was reminiscent of another time about eight years ago. Ben was having the same noise trouble during sacrament meeting. After a few weeks of frustration I realized that the poor kid didn't know what "shhhh" even meant. Neither does Ashlyn. I had to tutor Ben midweek and I guess we will have to tutor Ashlyn just the same. I don't recall having to teach Madison or Jacob about it.
Since shhhh wasn't working I tried demonstrating a whisper. I would show her a fish in the book and whisper fish in her ear then ask her to say fish. She would mimic my quiet whisper. But it was a mistake to tell her what that was. As soon as I told her to whisper, trying to make the connection in her head, she would light up with a huge smile and WHISTLE. "NO!! Shhhh!" was all I could say but she didn't understand shhhh as I mentioned so it was all lost on her. She was just a happy, go lucky whistler in the middle of the chapel. I guess I've got some work to do.
Tonight she also learned a new phrase and has used it a lot. "More candy."
I was trying to type this blog post tonight and family scripture time came along. Not wanting to have yet another post left in draft mode, I cheated. I tried to quietly type while they read on the couches. When Brian announced it was prayer time Ashlyn scolded me, "Prayer Mommy!" and folded her arms to show me what to do.