Peased

Today has been intense to say the least. It all began early enough. I cleaned the house for preschool, put everything in order so my lesson would flow smoothly from one activity to the next, taught preschool (that is another post all together - made TWO kids cry), kept one cute kid a while later to help a good friend, managed lunch, juggled Jacob missing BOTH nap times (not because I didn't put him down, but because he screamed for an hour each attempt), afternoon play date here, proded Ben back to his friend instead of neglecting his play date because the brand new Lego set was just too enticing to resist, a mad dash to the eye doctor to get Ben's lenses changed and Maddie's fixed before he left for the day, lugging a finally sleeping baby into the house for a much needed nap and reading a monstrous pile of library books to Maddie (and Ben in the vicinity listening as he built his Lego creations), I just want to be alone and crash. I snuck to the kitchen for a teensy little second to check my email and got sucked into blog reading or at least an attempt at it. The barrage of Maddie questions never slowed. I had all of sixty seconds "alone" if you can even call it that before she was on the kitchen chair next to me leaning ever closer to me and finally on my right arm so I couldn't properly manipulate the computer keys anymore. I asked kindly that she please move to her space and let me have mine back. Not fully understanding what I meant, I gently explain what I was asking and show her a magic area that she should fit into quite well. (I have MAJOR space issues and she was greatly testing my limits today.) Still she is shooting questions non-stop. I am doing my best to ignore her and pretend to escape into a warm sunny place while I have a mental break from her/them/it/all of it. Questions. Questions. Questions. Seriously, it takes all I have inside me to not just tell her to "Shut Up!" I'm nodding and saying "yep" to random stuff she asks and tells me in a blind attempt to appease her and not have to really hear her words. Can she not just go away for two minutes? Come on. I need a break. I chuckle at some of the cakewrecks I see and she asks why I'm laughing. "Because I saw something funny." "Where are your glasses mom?" "In my eyes." "What do you mean?" "I stick them to my eyeballs. They are called contacts." "Oh. Why do you do that?" and on and on and on. Finally it's onto another subject of which I can't recall nor do I care to know what we "talked" about. I just throw out more Yes and Uh-huh's as seem appropriate by the lulls of silence in her speech. Somehow I snap back for just a moment with her and she asks why I'm saying such-and-such. I give her the honest truth. "Mostly to appease you." "Oh. I don't want to be peased." She knows I am ignoring her. She doesn't want to be "peased" and I know it. I tell her mommy can't talk for five minutes (hoping to type this blog post of my current mental state as an outlet and let it vent). She seems okay with that and leaves the room. Returns one minute later with questions. I remind her mommy can't talk for a few minutes. She tells me "Okay. I'll do my ABCs then. Mommy, how do we.....??" Remember the part where I don't talk? And now, after Jacob has slept for a precious 45 minutes (most of which I spent reading to Maddie) instead of the needed 3 hours today, he is wailing at the top of his lungs to be saved from his prison crib. Alas, I realize I am a mother. My time is not my own unless it is after midnight. I love my angels. Maddie is the sweetest thing and only wants to be near me. I feel bad for putting her off, but after 4-5 hours of undivided attention to her today, I'm needing a mommy break. Still, her innocent love for me melts my heart. Her love is just too pure for words. She will be an amazing mother someday. And then, maybe she'll understand this post as I know my mother friends of today do like no one else can. Now to go set a good example for her and love her right this minute.... Sigh.... I guess I can be alone after midnight, right? Here I come little people.