Not A Utahn

We're driving through the serene countryside surrounded by the beautiful rolling hills of Western Pennsylvania right now.  Ben looked out his window and said, "Look.  We're driving through the mountains."

 

My response?  Ben is so totally NOT a Utahn.  These are NOT mountains.  They have their own unmistakeable charm that Utah can never compare to.  Everywhere does.  Everywhere has it's own unique beauty, but lets be real.  These are NOT mountains and Ben is NOT a Utahn.  If he were a Utahn he would have known the gross misstatement he had just made.  Even a bit offensive in a way.

 

It reminds me of a time when he was two, probably almost three.  We were driving between Salt Lake and Cedar City (between Brian's parents home and my parents home).  We were heading north on I-15.  Somewhere during the drive between Beaver and Nephi we hit a stretch of road where the road opens up and you drive in a huge valley between two mountain ranges far in the distance on either side.

 

As we drove along he asked, "Mom, what is that?" I wasnt' sure what he meant.  I asked and probed.  Questioned for more information.  Asked him to describe it. For the life of me, I couldn't figure out what he was pointing at.  This was a totally barren patch of road.  Empty plains for mile upon mile.  There was just simply nothing there.  Finally he gave the right clue for me to understand what he was asking.  He pointed once again out his window to the East.  "Those purplish things over there."

 

The MOUNTAINS.  He was talking about the mountains.  The child had never seen mountains before.  How sad is that?  I grew up surrounded by mountains.  Each morning for six years from seventh through twelth grade I rode the bus and watched the mountains. I hiked in the mountains.  I camped at the Spruces campground with my family.  Boated in the reservoirs in the mountains.  Loved the mountains.  At particular times in the school year, the sun would rise twice each day.  It would rise over the mountain peaks at my house, then we'd get on the bus and onto beltway back into the shadows of the mountain and it would rise again when we got to school.  I thought that was so cool.  Like a special gift to me each morning to watch two sunrises.  My seat in eleventh grade spanish class with Ms. Ballentyne put me in the perfect position to see the sunrise over the mountain.  Then it would burn my eyes out while I shielded my face from its blazing light. 

 

The mountains tell you where you are.  With one quick glance you can find a familiar peak and know how much farther until you get where you are going.  The Wasatch range on the east and Oquirrhs on the west.  I still watch for the letters on the mountains as we drive the I-15 corridor on our summer visits.  High schools and universities make their marks on the landscape.  The "U" and the "Y" both light up and flash at night up high on the mountain side when their teams win a game.  High school rivals paint each other's letters the rival color.  They are fun and familiar.

 

The mountains.  They define my home.  And my children, despite our annual visits, will never have that internal frame of reference.  Sort of sad.  So, just for today, we'll let the rolling hills of Pennsylvania pretend to be mountains.

Three Options

Obamacare passed late last night. I had a feeling the abortion card would be pulled out at the last minute. The pro-life Democrats that wouldn't budge with federal funding for abortions had Obama sign an executive order stating that no federal dollars would be used to fund abortions. That cleared the way for them to vote in favor of the healthcare bill. It's such a disaster. I'm so disappointed. I want reform. This bill is so full of garbage. It wasn't the way to do it. I wonder what the fallout from this will be. It scares me. We cannot afford it. No doubt there will be constitutional challenges. The whole thing leaves me with three options. #1 - Stick it out in Virginia. We were the first state to pass legislation that protects us from having the federal government impose mandatory insurance upon us. There are 34 other states with bills in process to do the same, but I'm glad to be in a state leading the way. #2 - Move to Texas. The ExxonMobil 5 -7 year plan is to move their headquarters down to Houston anyway, so we can just go ahead and get it done now. Then Texas can secede from the United States and be rid of the healthcare disaster. Now we just have to choose - The Woodlands, Kingwood or Clear Lake again. #3 - Move to Singapore. A position will open up near the end of the year. Brian can start doing some hard core soliciting to get us there. You should have seen poor Ben's face when we mentioned it at all. He was NOT happy. Brian told his parents on Skype about this option and Ben sat on the couch arms folded and pouty faced the rest of the conversation. My dad calls this "pucker lip", maybe mean, but it makes me smile when my kids do the pucker lip as I think of my dad teasing me about my pucker lip years and years ago. One positive thing to say. They did opt against the "deem and pass" option. Thank you for that. I would feel no obligation to obey the law if it wasn't passed in the proper legal way. As it is, there may be rotten, nasty back room deals, but they passed it in proper form with a formal vote. I may be sickened, but I'm an American. I am duty bound to obey the law while I work my tail off to change it. Don't forget to vote in November. Vote out every single "Yes" vote and send a message about what we think. It matters. It really does.

How I'm Doing

At 11:34 am this morning, while Brian changed spark plugs on the truck outside, Maddie asks if she can watch a Princess Sing-a-long video. I say yes from my horizontal position on the couch. She squeals with delight, "YES!! That's the third movie I get to watch today!!!" That about describes how I'm doing. I seriously thought I'd be up and going by Saturday. Wrong. Brian has to translate today at the church so he's gone from 2:30 in the afternoon until 9:30 at night with a quick run home to help me with dinner between sessions. He's a good man. Put sweet and sour meatballs in the crock pot before he left. Took Ben to a birthday party for a friend and had the other two ride with him so I could sleep while they were gone. Someone offered to bring Ben home and he arranged for that so I wouldn't have to wake up napping Maddie and Jakey. When the friend came to the door she said, "Wow. You don't look too good." There you have it in a nutshell. Guess the surgery was a real surgery, despite what I kept telling myself that it was no big deal. I'm grateful for good neighbors and a weekend with Brian home (sort of). Pretty sure I'm out for church tomorrow. I'm just a little frustrated. I didn't plan for this.

Surgery Results Video

The video is amateur for sure, but here it is. A little bit gross, but cool. It's not over the top blood and gore but don't say you weren't warned if you're super squimish. The white you see on the right side of your screen (my left) is the bone graft. I didn't realize it would remain exposed. The tooth on the other side the tooth looks bad, but it's just got blood all around from the surgery. I like the way Brian described the gum graft site to me before I saw it in his video. He said, "It looks like a bullet hole inside your mouth." Nice. I feel so pretty now. I think the stitches look cool at the end. Like a mass of blue spider webs all over the place. They are holding the gum graft in place and the gum graft is holding the bone graft in the hole. 85% chance the gum graft lives, 15% it dies. I'm saying my prayers it lives.

My Heart is At Mason with a Picket Sign, My Body is on the Couch

Obama is speaking today at George Mason University about his healthcare disaster in attempts to gain support. That's about two miles from the house. There is a kill the bill rally this morning and that's where my heart is. Unfortunately, I'm here on the couch. Ben is at school. Maddie and Jakey are three doors down so I can rest. Darn this surgery. I guess the surgery went well. Many aspects reminded me of the accident. You don't often feel pressure on that bone of your upper jaw. It made me uneasy to just sit and let them wiggle and twist. I could have sworn that the bone was going to snap again. I was all queasy inside. I could tell, however, that the surgeon was working with extreme caution. All his movements (with a monster wrench attached to my tooth) were slow and gentle yet really, really strong. I was scared of my bone snapping again because I remember months and months after my accident we would have to make follow up appointments with the doctor, maybe the endodontist? I dont' know. I was only sixteen. Anyway, my upper gums would begin to swell and we'd go in for a quick check. My body was ejecting pieces of shattered bone splinters. They would push them to the surface of my gums out above my front two teeth. The doctor would take a knife, slice open my gums and with a pair of tweezers remove chunks of bone. It was lovely. That's what I was remembering as the surgeon twisted and pulled every so smoothly to remove the root of the messed up tooth. This morning I woke up feeling okay. Turns out it's a bit like having a c-section I guess. You wake up good. Feeling embarassed to have a neighbor help watch your kids. Shower. Get the kids breakfast, dressed and ready to go. All you want to do is take a nap. I'm wiped out. The whole eating fiasco for me is too complicated to deal with while they are around. I dropped them off, cooked some scrambled eggs and let them cool while I type. Guess I should go eat, do the pain meds, wound care (clean it all up, then stop the bleeding) and take a quick nap before it's time to pick the kids up. This better be worth it. I think it will. It just doesn't feel like it today with dry slobbery blood all over my lips and throbbing in my upper jaw. If I get some energy later today, I'll upload the video Brian took of my wounds last night. It's surprising, really. I don't think it's too gross. Maybe I'm wrong. The stitches look like a spider web. There are tons.

Sump Pump Success!!

After 18 months of waiting, waiting, waiting...our sump pump has water in it and the carpet is dry.  It seems counter intuitive to wish for soggy wet weather and flooding, but when you sink a bunch of G's into a sump pump, you kind of want to have proof that you didn't waste the money.  After it was installed in the late summer/fall of 2008 I checked it often to see if it was working.  I wanted that pricey pump to work, work, work.  Nothing.  There was a leaf that got stuck in the basin before the see-thru lid was put in place.  Month after month it was dry.  I was sad.  Then one day last week a friend asked me who we used to install it and how the whole thing worked and all that stuff.  We went to the basement to show her what was involved and I was so excited to see murky, muddy water in the pump!

Maddie

Maddie fell off the couch a few minutes ago.  It was tragic.  At least by her accounting.  I was in a pretty good mood, so I extended kind and gentle hugs and kisses.  I held her tight and conforted her as I asked where she got hurt.  "Right here," she said pointing to her forehead.  "Right here on my three-head."  I couldn't stop the giggles.

 

Then she looks up at me and says, "Mom, God is like a doctor.  He fixes guys all better when we get hurt."  Cute girl.

Say Your Goodbyes While You Still Can

I've done it.  The first big surgery is scheduled for Thursday.  Last May an x-ray revealed a developing problem.  My post diving board accident teeth are in trouble.  I put it off and put it off, then finally knowing it couldn't wait years, I went to the specialist in October to get an assessment and guesstimate on cost.  Turns out the root holding in my fake tooth is disolving away.  The October x-ray showed that a third tooth had died as well.  The scope of my fix-it plan just kept growing as does the stomach churning size of the bill.

 

About one hour after my consultation visit back at the very beginning of October we submitted the costs to the insurance company to see what our portion would be.  Now we are six months later and six or seven statements have arrived, all stating basically "We don't know anything.  We make no promises about your cost.  We need more time to think about it. We'll let you know sometime before the year 2059."  The December x-rays show that the resorbtion is continuing to progress and tooth #9 is hanging by less and less of a thread.

 

Last week we decided to just move ahead with the process regardless of the insurance disaster.  I had the impressions made for my flipper last Friday. Brian will pick up my tooth retainer Wednesday afternoon.  Sigh.  This Thursday at 1:30 they will start the drilling to remove the old tooth and root.  One bone graft.  One gum graft. Pain meds and a hole in my killer smile.  Just wanted you to know, there are only a few days left to say goodbye to the tooth.

 

This whole process is more emotionally taxing than I thought it would be.  I can talk a good game, but it's got me a bit frazzled and feeling broken and insecure inside.  I will probably talk differently.  I will feel sore and cranky. And frankly, who really has the self confidence to do this without a major blow to the self esteem?  My stomach gets all tight and sick thinking of the upcoming week.  This whole thing just sucks.  And will continue to suck for the next 12 months and 3 surgeries.  Yippee.  If I don't smile at you for six months, at least now you know why.

Time is a Relative Concept

I attended a church meeting tonight which was supposed to start at 5:00. I arrived just in time for the meeting and found only about four people in attendance. About 15 minutes later several more people arrived. Around 5:30 we had a good number of people and the meeting finally began. As with all church meetings, we started with a song (which we had to start over after the first verse because of technical difficulties with the music). So now we are well into the second half of the hour. Next came the prayer. I couldn't help but chuckle a little when I heard the following as part of the prayer: "Bless those who are not here so that they may arrive on time." I guess "on time" is a relative concept.

Late Night Calls

We spent the night with the kids at the school for the annual carnival and auction for the PTA fundraiser. We traded Jacob for Anthony. Good decision. Jacob was much happier playing with Becca at the Mazza's home and Anthony had a ball playing all the games and getting prizes. We got home about 8:30 and had the kids in bed by 8:50. At 9:15 the phone rang. The caller ID said it was Susan Mannion. Thought she might be calling to reschedule our playdate for Tuesday next week or something. I hear silence, then muffled talking, silence, then "I think I got the wrong number" in a child's voice. Someone is fumbling with the phone and I asked, "Is this Connor?" No response. "Connor?" "Connor?" The response comes, "Huh?" "Connor? Is this Connor?" "Yeah." "This is Ben's mom." "Oh. Well guess what?!?! I got Legos!" "You got Legos?" "Yeah!! And it has a this and a that and does blah blah blah...." I start to chuckle to myself. He goes on and on about how cool the Legos are. After a long bout of confusion about why he would be so darn excited about Legos that he'd call someone, finally I clue in and ask, "Did you win the Legos at the auction in a basket?" "YEAH!! And JP got another one and it does...and...and..." Then out of the blue he says, "Do you want to know how I got the phone?" "Yeah." "I have powers." "What kind of powers? Magical powers or superhero powers?" "Magic powers. And I have a compass. I just put my hands like this and then use my compass and it points like this and then it just flies right through the air into my hands!" "That is sooo cool that you have magical powers!" By this point I've got the phone on speaker so Brian can enjoy it with me. He calls out from the living room, "Do you have a secondary phone number for the Mannions?" "Nope." We talk for a while longer, me stifling my laughs repeatedly over his enthusiasm about all the exciting things he has to tell me and I begin to probe him that it might be time for bed. Then he remembers, "Oh yeah, can I talk to Ben?" "He's asleep. But you can call him tomorrow and talk to him." "Okay. I just wanted to call someone else but it didn't work and I got you and then, OH! Want to know how I did it? "Yeah. How did you know how to call me?" I wondered, did he recognize the word Zufelt from class and find it in the phone directory? "Okay. I just took the phone and I pushed this button and then the other one right there and it didn't work so I tried this one lots of times and then I thought it didn't work but then you talked and I thought you were someone else but you were actually Ben's mom." "Okay. I think it might be time to go to sleep now." "But do you know Robert?" "I don't think so." We got through many options of who Robert might be and how I might know him. We finally come to an understanding that he is their next door neighbor. I say I think I've met him, asking if he is JP's age. "Um. Just a minute. I'll check.... JP? How old is Robert? Oh. Okay. Wait. How old are you?" Returning to me again, "Sounds like Robert is 9." I can no longer contain the laughter at this point. Brian comments, "I wish we could record this! Ben could never carry on a conversation like this. Maddie could though." In the background I hear Mike holler up the stairs to the boys, "Connor it's time to go to sleep." I probe yet again, "It's time for bed, Connor." "But did you know...and...and...and" many more things and topics to tell me all about. "Okay Connor. This is the last exciting thing to tell me tonight. Then it's time to hang up the phone and go to sleep, okay?" "Okay. Good night." Muffled phone noise. I still hear background noise of him wiggling in his blankets in bed. Obviously he hasn't hung up yet. "Connor? Connor? CONNOR?" getting louder so he can hear me since he's obviously taken the phone away from his ear. "Connor? Do you know how to turn the phone off?" "Huh?" "Do you see a button that says O then F-F?" "Um. Well. My dad is in my room now." It took all I had to not bust up laughing when Mike took the phone. It was absolutely hilarious, though he sounded about as amused as I would have been had I found Ben or Maddie making random calls late at night to strangers. Still, Susan is coming over on Tuesday to learn how to set up her very own blog. Won't this make the perfect first post to their family blog? I absolutely adore Conner. That kid has a heart of gold.

Upcoming Vote on Disaster

I don't write on politics often here. Today I will because I am so worried. I am just scared, scared, scared to see what is about to come. In five to seven days there will be a vote in Washington DC to pass the Healthcare Bill. The Senate passed a bill. The House passed a bill. It cannot be law until they have negotiated the two bills and both groups agree on the contents. There is a reason for that process. The new plan totally bucks that system and they are trying to pressure our elected representatives into voting yes. They want to shove a bad bill through into law with such haste it is scary. One of the most amazing things is that they have more or less said, "we know the bill is not right so lets just pass this and then we'll FIX it LATER." Idiots. The bill is a page or two short of 2,000 pages long. So much crap is hidden in this bill it makes my blood boil. Why not fix it now? Fix it before a vote. Just Fix It. THEN VOTE. Telling me you'll fix it later tells me you will just add more later to the bill. There have been numerous sweetheart deals like Nebraska, Louisiana or Connecticut. It will never be combed through and fixed if it isn't done the right way now. The summit between the two sides, two ideas, Democrats and Republicans I thought was probably a good idea about two weeks ago. Even time for ideas. The GOP had been called out as the party of "No" and was providing nothing as an alternative to the Democratic plan. They finally stepped up. Good job. But, it turns out the idea of even time was a farce. Time wasn't split even between the two plans. Obama took a third of the time to campaign for the democrat plan in addition to the democrat leaders, thus giving one side 2/3 time and the other 1/3. On the plus side, for the first time ever they allowed some semblance of talk, debate and negotiation to be broadcast, despite the promises to do so. It was the first time I heard the Republican party present real ideas. That is key. How can the GOP expect support with no platform beyond "No." Now the current plan - It is a complete and total disaster. It creates something on the order of 140 new government agencies/offices. It will demand the people purchase insurance. What right does the Constitution give the government to demand we purchase a product? Next will they require we all buy Cheerios? Flip flops? What right do they have to do this? Insurance by definition is a gamble. You pay in hoping to "win" by having the coverage needed when you get sick. If you make the choice to gamble by NOT buying a policy, especially those in the prime of their life when risk is low, it is a personal decision. No doubt an incredibly irresponsible one, but a choice just the same. Since when do we enforce that our citizens make "good" choices? It is not our right or privilege to do that for others, no matter how stupid they may be. Government should not have that type of control over us. My biggest objection is cost. The nation is near bankruptcy. We simply cannot afford the plan however much good it might do. A one month vacation to Europe would be good for me, but I can't afford it, so I'm not going to go. Remember the Saturday Night Live skit about not buying things you cannot afford? Perfect advise for Obama right now. You CANNOT afford it!! Social security is a disaster. Medicare/Medicaid is bankrupt and twice as likely to deny a claim or care as private insurance. These are the models they plan to follow. This healthcare bill will fail and drag our country down with it. We need major cuts in government spending, not exponential increases. Do not add more spending, waste, corruption and debt. Our children cannot afford it. Our nation will crumble financially. If China calls in our debt it would threaten our nation to collapse. What will they say when we add this colossal obligation to the ledger? The democrats financial projection of saving money is a joke. They tax us five years before they provide any coverage or programs. That's how they screw with the numbers to tell us we'll save. Plus, lots of the "savings" claimed in their projections are based on cutting waste. That isn't a fair projection. There is no actual plan for that saving. If they pinpointed what specifically would be cut, I could possibly buy their claims, but it's just a fluffy non-tangible savings. They just picked a big freaking number out of the air and plugged it in. Stop venting. Okay. We must act. And by "We" I mean YOU. Call your senators. If they are a No Vote, let them know you support them. Then see who is on the fence. Target their offices with your phone calls, emails and personal visits. You are not alone. 73% of the people across the nation do not support the bill. About 50% want it stopped completely. A tiny minority is in favor of this bill at all. Our elected officials need to hear our voices of outrage. When do our leaders have the right to go against their constituency so blatantly? Never. We must stop it. I want a bill. I want change. I want it fixed. This, however, is a disaster. If you are in Virginia - call, visit and email Connolly to make him vote NO. He is a fence sitter today. Based less on the actual bill and more on the fact (in his summation) that his constituency is rich and will end up footing the bill which makes them mad. He gets it to that degree. Work him there. If you care about your future, please call. It takes two minutes. The person that answers the phone will typically be making a simple tally mark on a sheet of paper and recording your zip code so they know you are in their district. It isn't hard or scary. If you've never been involved before, make this the first political issue you take a stand on or make a phone call about. It is important for our future as a nation. Gerry Connolly http://connolly.house.gov 703-256-3071 Annandale Office 202-225-1492 DC Office UTAH PEOPLE Jim Matheson http://matheson.house.gov (877)677-9743 435-627-0880 St. George Office 202-225-3011 DC Office

"Mom and dad are the

"Mom and dad are the best cooks i know. And stephanie is the best photographer i ever knowed. I mean stephanie Pilling." - ben

Lunch with the Little People

The boys (Ben and Anthony) are learning about magnets in kindergarten. While they waited for their lunches to come to the table Anthony started rubbing the top of the kitchen table with his palm. He pushed harder and harder and his focus got deeper and deeper on the task. Finally he told the other kids, "Look! See? It's magnatized now!" Then he looks at me and says, "Wow. I was pretty good. I'm just like a video you watch to learn about magnets!" Maddie is always wildly excited to pray any chance she gets. Yesterday Ben's comment when I chose her for the lunch prayer was, "Oh good. She prays the fastest in the whole family and I'm hungry. She just can't ever think of stuff to say." Today she said the lunch prayer, short and sweet. After a few minutes she hollers out at me, "Mom, I think we need to pray again." When asked why, she explained, "I prayed but my food is still hot." I guess that a 2 second prayer isn't quite long enough to cool a pizza at 450 to eating temp.

Saving a Buck on Emissions Testing

Our emissions/safety inspection expired on the truck in January. I always keep that stuff in our finance program to flag me in the month it is due, then I have 30 days to get it done. After the Great Crash of 2009, I lost all our finances. Come mid February I'm driving home from preschool and notice the little window sticker. Oops. We're late. By two weeks. I tried one place that day and they couldn't do it. Mentioned our goof to Brian, he said he'd try but kept forgetting as well. In the end, it was the last day of the month when we got it done. He came and sat beside me and told me he finally got it to the shop. I smirked and told him at this point, we should have waited until Monday March 1 to do it. It would be like getting two months free. See, if you do it the first day of the month after you expire, then over the course of twelve years you will save a whopping $16 by shifting the due date a month each year and buying yourself extra time. Somehow I thought that was such an original idea. Not so. Monday March 1 while I drove down Zion Drive I noticed that the emissions line at the Exxon station was JAM PACKED with cars waiting. My first thought was that they were all planning so well to be there on the first day to get that pesky task taken care of. A quick inspection of the window stickers in line revealed that every last one of them had already expired. Now I'm left to wonder - are they all scheming for that extra free month? Or did they just not get around to getting the test done in February? I'm hoping there was one cheapie in the bunch working my master plan for me.

What Did I Think He Was Going To Say?

One day I was trying to declutter and the target was the fridge "decor".  During the Christmas season, at Ben's primary class at church, they had made a picture with a glittery fun foam picture frame and the nativity inside, then put magnets on the back.  He had placed in on the fridge.  Then he liked the idea so much he started to draw nativities and pictures of our family at Christmas time on regular 8 1/2 x 11 paper.  Then he asked us for the strip of sticky magnet stuff to put his pictures on the fridge.  We gave him enough to make a magnet out of just one of his nativity pictures and he had to choose which one to use.

 

After the holiday season had long since past, I was cleaning off the kid projects on the fridge.  Not wanting to throw out anything Ben felt was precious, I mentioned that I was cleaning up and would recycle the nativity.  Frantic cries of protest began immediately.  Can't we save it with the Christmas stuff in the basement?  I told he we usually only save the really important things that we love.  The only thing reflected in that poor boys eyes was a broken heart as he looked me square in the eyes and said, "But it is really important.  I made it special to keep forever with the magnets."

 

What did I think he was going to say?  Duh mom.  He's not 30 years old.  He's five.  It is important.  It's just pain insulting to imply anything different.

Getting Carried Away

Project of the day - Haircuts.

I'm getting better at Ben's preferred cut. Still takes a while, but it's working. One big oops this time. My arm slipped right in the middle back of his head with the clippers and he's sporting a nice near bald spot. He doesn't know. I'm not telling him.

Maddie usually asks for a cut when I'm doing Ben. Today she didn't seem to care, but I've been mulling it over for weeks. Her hair is long and beautiful. I love it, but when I don't take the time to put it up all fancy it just looks really messy. So when I finished Ben, I offered her a cut. She said "No thanks." No problem. Then, "Well, maybe yes." I explain if she cuts it, then it will be lots of days until it gets long again but after it gets cut it will look like Ella. Instantly she was all about getting it cut. It was Ella this and Ella that. I didn't realize I was inadvertantly stacking the deck in favor of the cut.

I went to work and now it's done. Why do I always forget when you remove the weight in the back, it springs up higher than you planned? In the end, it was quite a bit shorter than intended, but that is just the way it goes when I do the cutting. Still cute, just different.

Maddie isn't into smiling nicely at the camera. It's either a flat out No (often accompanied with a foot in my face) or a miriad of weird faces. Silly girl.