I Hit the Wall

Mostly I'm just tired. You know how you have the baby and run on adrenaline. Then about two months in exhausting hits because you haven't slept more than 90 minutes for weeks. Then one day about that time you start to get a three or four hour stretch and feel AMAZING! Then time goes on and you hit five months. You haven't slept more than 3 or 4 hours in five months. I just have hit the wall. I'm so incredibly tired. I look and feel it every second of the day. Last night I just gave up and slept in Jacob's room because I get less angry getting up to help him three feet away than all the way in my room. Maybe it's that agreeing to sleep on the couch in his room is admitting I won't get a good night sleep. If I go back to my room, it is under the false pretense that I will be getting quality sleep. In either case, he was up 7 times between 1 am and 8 am. That my friends, is one crappy night. The situation is compounded by the fact that he is generally up at least six times in the night every night. Time for some sleep training I think. It's happened with all our kids. When they get too big and too strong to be contained by the swaddling blankets, they break out and upset themselves. He just has to learn that he doesn't have to be swaddled to sleep. He also is gaining more control of his hands and reaching and grabbing for things now. This translates into pulling the binkie out of his mouth and not having quite the right coordination to get it back in successfully. Probably in a month he'll be a pro at it, but for now, he screams. Naps have gone by the wayside for me lately too. Ben has just looked so sad and neglected when I would nap with Jacob and Maddie in the afternoon. He never really let me sleep anyway, always had a question to ask in the middle of my twenty minute nap. So I gave them up to spend quality time with him. I have really enjoyed the special time we spent together. We read books, had piano lessons, played all sorts of games (fun games, math games and letter games), practiced spelling and did special big kid crafts. Of course, sometimes he just wanted me awake and around but not involved with him. He wouldn't play with me because Tom & Jerry on YouTube was more appealing. Sort of hurts a girls self-esteem when your kid would rather watch a silly old show instead of have special time, but some days it was a relief to be able to check my email. So my life has been a more difficult than usual juggling act lately. Just another phase in life. This too shall pass, and I will get to sleep someday soon. Just hoping and praying it is sooner than later.