It's All In My Mind

I hit thewall. I have no drive to do anything but sit on the couch. I am so drained of all energy. I asked Brian how I ever made it three more weeks with Ben. He said it is all in my mind. If I didn't know it was over next Friday I would have to have the mental stamina to go on longer. Since I know it's all going to end, I can shut down now. Makes sense to some degree. I am not in the same mental state I was with Ben by any means. I don't cry everyday because I'm so miserable yet. Maybe it isn't as bad, maybe I just know what to expect and that much helps pull me through. Still, it's getting hard. Ben is showing the effects of my exhaustion. Maddie said something today and I laughed at it. She asked, "Is mommy funny?" I told her "Yes." Without a moments hesitation, Ben chimed in, "No you're not." Ouch. He said I don't get to play very much so I'm "boring" to him now. Poor kid. I do all I can to get him to watch tv while Maddie naps so that I can nap. I know he recognizes I'm tired, but also feels ignored. It makes my heart so sad for him.