Reconnecting With Colts Can Make You Think

Via facebook info I found the blog of an old high school friend...then click, click, link, browse, click, click...I found tons of Cottonwood Colt Blogs. I've been spying on all sorts of families all day today and it has been real fun to read up on what everyone is doing. We are spread all over the country doing all sorts of things. We are all turning 30 this year and having lots of summer wedding anniversary dates. I'll be 30 like most of my classmates in 5 short days, but I didn't really realize how long I've been married compared to the rest of the crew. Most people are celebrating between 3 and 7 years together. I guess I jumped the gun in getting married at 20 years old, though I can't say I regret it or ever will. I didn't want to get married because by definition you have to settle down and have kids and quit school and stuff, right. My man had no such intentions in mind. He wanted me to do whatever I wanted to do. I graduated with a degree in engineering, did internships and travelled around the country in the process (actually we did it together since he's an engineer too). I started a real career working on million dollar construction projects for BP oil refinery on the Gulf Coast wearing steel toed boots and fire proof clothes everyday (DREAM JOB!!). Really, I got to live all the dreams I had, I just did it with my sweetheart instead of as a single gal. I accomplished all the life goals I had laid out for myself. One day I was sitting around and started thinking what's next? I had actually accomplished everything I ever wanted. Who in the world can say that? I was a woman without a goal or destination in mind for the first time ever. Sure I loved my job and could have stayed for 30 years happily but what was I SUPPOSED to do next? I admit I was reluctant, but the answer was clear as a bell. God gave me all the time I needed to do what I wanted to do. Now it was His time. Ben was born less than one year later, just 5 years after we were married. That first year was the hardest year of my life so far. I really went through a mourning process of losing myself, my identity and all I knew, for what? Dirty diapers? One of the biggest trials of faith I've ever had in my life was the choice to quit my job. I actually remember bargaining with God. If you help me survive the 6 month maternity leave at home, I promise to quit and stay home. It sucked rocks, but I did survive it. I delayed my return to work an extra month until I had no choice but to give the company a final answer about my intentions. I cried so much over that decision. In the end, I made it. I won't ever doubt it was right, but it was the hardest thing I've ever done. What a good life I've been handed. My main fear was that if I made the choice to work, I'd have regrets all my life of any and everything my kids did and how it was all my fault because I wasn't there for them. If I quit and stayed home, work would survive just fine without me and I could do all I could do for my kids without that massive degree of regret, just a regular portion that every parent holds onto. Anyway, we celebrated our 9th anniversary this summer and I'm daydreaming about a fantastic 10th anniversary spent in Italy next summer. Of course this magical dream was fed by the thought that we were going to move to Italy for 3 years last spring. We're still bummed that the job didn't materialize with the right timing to make it possible. We're still up for anything European though and I'm actually fairly confident it will still happen in the next 3 years. Just be patient, it could come as early as the spring. Whether we go or stay in DC I'm happy. I LOVE living in DC and either way, I'm doing it with my best friend in the world by my side. I couldn't ask for anything more than that.